Episode 1: Mending Can’t Fix a Broken Heart


In which our heroes catch up on what they did, sleep in, and endure mostly emotional damage.

Thank you for listening!

Thanks to @kurryschatter for the logo design. Music tracks are by Kevin Macleod at incompetech.com. The tracks used in this episode are: Our Story Begins, Enchanted Valley, and The Forest and the Trees.

Find Us Online:

– www.dicefiends.com

– www.patreon.com/dicefiends

– www.twitter.com/dicefiends

Cast and Crew:

– Dungeon Master: Eric Szypulski

– Avi: Chris (guest)

– Molpadia: Amanda Joyce

– Semloh: Angel Powell

– Gwennis: Kiara Mueller

About Us:

The Dice Fiends podcast is a live play Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition podcast featuring a wonderful cast of chuckle-friends. This group of Fiends are composed of an unlikely combination of people brought together by Dungeons and Dragons. We are a collaboration of D&D experts and D&D newbs, but most of all, we’re fiends for the sound of rolling dice.


Note: one of the characters was misgendered a few times during the episode. We have remedied these mistakes in the following episodes once we noticed the mistake, but we can’t go back and fix the recording to reflect this. Please listen with caution.


Eric (over intro music): Welcome to the first episode of Hezra’s Hellraisers, a 5th edition Dice Fiends adventure.  We join our heroes early in the morning as they get ready to leave the sleepy town of Goldcliff. But what brought them to this point?  Let’s find out…

Eric: Ok, hello everyone and welcome to the very first, as far as any of you know, episode of Hezra’s Hellraisers.

Kiara: As far as any of YOU know.

Eric: I am Eric, I am the GM, and I play anyone who isn’t these chuckle-friends.  Hey, Amanda, can you tell us some more about your character?

Amanda: Hi, I’m Amanda Joyce and I play Molpadia.  She is a human fighter and… that’s all you need to know right now.

Eric: Alright, Angel?

Angel: I am Angel and I play Semloh.  They are a hill dwarf rogue Inquisitor and they are twins with Gwennis.

Eric: Gwennis! I wonder who could tell us about Gwennis…

Kiara: Hi, I’m Kiara Mueller and I play Gwennis.  I am Semloh’s twin. She is a wonderful knowledge cleric ever driven by curiosity and loves to bang shit together on metal

Eric: So I’ve heard… And Chris, can you tell us about your character?

Chris: Yeah, my character is Avi Birchkin, he is a forest gnome druid and he has a complicated relationship with himself.

Eric: I’m not gonna make a dirty joke about that because that sounds really deep and profound… But —

[lots of laughter]

Eric: You’ve heard of hate sex but now there’s hate wank.  And we do have a wonderful, talented tiefling bard by the name of Kallista but unfortunately this adventure starts at 5 AM in the goddamn morning and that’s like… a hundred hours too early for her to wake up. So, it’s been about a week since your heroics in the manor in Goldcliff. You successfully drove out the Red Boars and captured their leader, Guylin of the Dark Flame.  And over the week you’ve helped the town out a lot; some people made peace with the orcs outside of town, some people rescued a member of the Dawn’s Guard from a cave, there was some talk of going to see a banshee, and the mansion was cleared of all its treasures and deeds delivered to the owner of Burt’s, Anne’s, and Bee’s.

Chris: And Red Apple, we went through Red Apple.

Eric: Oh yeah, Red Apple! You’ve liberated Red Apple from the dastardly necromancer, Timothy the Necromancer, who is sure to never be seen again.

Angel: I really wish that all those side quests had been recorded because I only got to be a part of one of them.

Chris: Me too.

Kiara: I was only a part of one!

Amanda: No! You really don’t!

Eric: Those consequences will come back later in the story! Yes!

Amanda: They definitely will.

Eric: Anyway, so forgive me if I do a character voice wrong, I don’t remember any of the character voices… here we go.

Angel: The ever-changing NPC voice!

Eric (in a weird voice): This is my voice for everyone now! So I don’t have to remember any…

Eric (in normal voice): Now, so we begin on the 8th day since you liberated the town of Goldcliff from the Red Boars, and Kella provided the cart for y’all since at least three, eh, a good majority of you agreed to help her smuggle an injured griffin out of the town away from a band of marauding hunters.

Angel: What?

Kiara: Don’t worry about it, it’s fine.

Amanda: Yeah I kind of forgot we agreed to that…

Angel: We’re taking a griffin with us?

Eric: The griffin is buckled up under a tarp, you can hear it going (makes griffin noises).

Angel: Is it cute or scary?

Eric: It… well it depends, do you think griffins are cute?

Angel: I mean…

Eric: Let’s Google pictures of griffins.

Amanda: Oh my gosh let’s not…

Angel: I mean, we could just do highs or lows to see if Semloh thinks griffins are cute.

Eric: Ok, so the way I like to do highs or lows — and for anyone who listens to D&D is for Nerds, this is a little different but I find it simpler — so I’m gonna roll a d20 and the person I ask will tell me whether it’s below or above 10, and if they get it right, something good will happen, if they get it wrong nothing bad will happen I’m sure no, nothing bad has ever happened to these people… Hey, Semloh! Highs or lows?

Angel: Highs.

Eric: It is scary.  It is like a nightmare griffin to you.

Angel: Ok.

Eric (as the griffin): (makes griffin noises) Raarrrr! Rarr! Aarr!

Kiara: I rolled a 17 on Animal Handling, do I get to pet it without it like, biting off my hand?

Eric: It is a griffin puppy in your hands.

Kiara: (strangled noises of joy).

Eric: (continues to make griffin noises).  So you see this nightmare griffin cuddling up to your twin, Semloh.

Angel: Yeah, Semloh is just like, looking at the griffin, and looking at Gwennis and just has this face of “…what… in the hell… is happening to my life?”

Eric: So, as you’re getting ready you do see Beef Kayk, the wood elf. You don’t know what his class is —

Angel: Is he clothed now?

Eric: …Barely.

Kiara: Gwennis does a flirtatious finger wave at him.

Eric: He winks at you and does a (clicks tongue).  He’s walking your prisoner, Guylin, out of the town jail in chains and he’s like,

Eric (as Beef Kayk): Listen, I thought about it and I’m gonna take him to the corner of the Dawn’s Guard to let them pass judgement on him.  It’ll probably be safer than having a rando guard watch over him.

Eric: And Guylin spits on the ground at the five of you and says,

Eric (as Guylin): This isn’t the last you’ll hear of me! I’ll be back and I’ll have my revenge!

Eric: as Beef Kayk just like, slams his head against the cabinet as he’s pushing him in like one of those cop cars and says,

Eric (as Beef Kayk): Yep, yep, everyone says that. This is just standard procedure.

Amanda: Molpadia’s just gonna watch all of this with completely no emotion showing on her face, she’s just done.

Kiara: Gwennis does a dreamy sigh.

Eric (as Beef Kayk): Hey Semloh, thanks for busting me out of there, by the way.

Angel (as Semloh): You’re welcome.

Eric (as Beef Kayk): See you later, babe,

Eric: He says to Gwennis and he just hops on his own carriage with the new recruits from the captured prisoners you had and they drive off in the opposite direction y’all will be going.  It’s about 5 AM, you have the cart loaded up, and your destination is the estate of Fliplock Shabadook, the gnomish inventor. And can you tell me — it’s been a while since I looked at the notes, so why are y’all going there?

Amanda: To take the dagger or whatever it’s called — it’s somewhere in my notes I can’t remember!

Angel: Yeah, it’s an evil dagger —

Amanda: I know it’s an evil dagger!

Kiara: We need it purified so it can stop being evil.

Angel: No, we don’t need to purify it, we need it destroyed.  And the church whatever — the Church of Sigurd people told us that this Fliplock dude could destroy it but they couldn’t.

Eric: And the dagger is called —

Chris: The Blood Dagger.

Eric: Yeah, the Blood Dagger.  See, someone’s on top of it… not me

Chris: I was scrolling furiously in our items, so…

Eric: Can you just give me a brief overview of how y’all know each other?  I know Semloh and Gwennis are twins, but why are y’all chuckle-friends together?

Amanda: Well, the four of us: Semloh, Gwennis, Molpadia, and Kallista, were raised — woah sorry I have a cat mewling at me right now — were all raised together by Hezra after the loss of our families in one way or another. Avi was also raised by her, only before the time of the rest of us.  Somebody else wanna pick up –?

Angel: We were all in the orphanage together but Avi was long gone before we even existed.

Chris: Yeah, he old.

Eric: Avi how old?

Angel: He smol but he old.

Chris: He smol.

Amanda: And we all came together because of news that Hezra was getting on in years and wanted to see some of us and basically our story has started from there.

Angel: Scooby-Doo shenanigans ensued.

Amanda: Something like that.

Eric: As y’all leave the town of Goldcliff, Kella, the priestess at the Shrine of Luck and a disciple of Splinterhoof, thanks you again for all the help you provided her and hopes she can see at least four of you again soon.

Amanda: Mol is gonna lean over to Avi — she has to lean pretty far down–

Amanda (as Molpadia): What did you do? Good lord!

Chris: He’s already walking. Nope.

Eric: Ok so you’re getting your horses and your dogs and ponies, right?

Amanda: Yep I’m getting my horse ready.

Angel: Oh yeah I’ve got my pony… I forgot what I named it…

Eric: The only one I remembered is Hannah.

Angel: Bogart! My pony’s name is Bogart.

Chris: The only one I remember is Hannah because I put her in so much damn danger.

Eric: I know!  Broke my heart.

Angel: Hannah was the pupper, though, right?

Eric: Yep.  Hannah is still the pupper.

Angel: The still-living pupper.

Eric: Who is hooking their horses up to the cart, who is riding on their ponies, are y’all just being like “nah we’re not gonna take the griffin” because that’s also valid.

Amanda: Can ponies pull the cart with the griffin or does it have to be a horse, because I think Kallista and Molpadia are the only ones with real horses.

Eric: Yeah, probably the horses. So, Kallista will be sleeping in the back next to the chained-down griffin, and Mol will be driving the cart?  I assume that’s something your time in the military taught you how to do.

Amanda: Yeah I think I have proficiency in land vehicles or something like that.  Somewhere, I don’t remember. Probably. Sounds about right.

Angel: Where are we taking this griffin?

Eric: You were told you just need to take it out of the immediate area and then let it go so it can evade the orc hunters that are tracking it.  With all the fanfare that’s due for someone leaving at 5AM, which isn’t much, but you saved the town so there are a few people there to see you off.  You leave the town of Goldcliff and set off towards Fliplock’s estate near the town of Old Oak. Hey, Avi, can I get a highs or lows?

Chris: Always lows!

Eric: Ok… an hour into your journey, you have an encounter! Dun dun dun dun dun…

Amanda: I didn’t even get to have a conversation with Gwennis, and we need to have a chat.

Angel: All kinds of chats need to happen.

Eric: Do you want to? Ok so, while I’m looking this up — this is still about an hour in, so if you want to saddle up, start riding up near Gwennis.

Amanda: Well, I can’t, cause I’m driving the wagon.

Eric: You can speed up the wagon so you’re riding alongside Gwennis.

Angel: Semloh needs a conversation too, because I heard them come in the night before.

Eric: Oh my god Gwennis, you’re just going to have so many conversations.

Kiara: I’m pretty sure that there’s going to be another sober conversation with Kallista at some point, too.

Amanda: Ok so do we want to have this encounter — we can have the chats afterward, once we get fully on the road.

Eric: Ok, so —

Angel: We just travel in silence for an hour.

Kiara: Awkward silence, as Semloh keeps giving me side-eyes of curiosity as Mol just refuses to look at me at all.

Amanda: Oh, no she’s looking at you! She’s glaring at you.

Kiara: Oh no!

Angel: I’m taking all this in and Semloh is like totally out of her depth and totally like “what the fuck, we have a griffin, I don’t know what’s happening with my sister, and everybody else seems ok with this griffin thing!”

Chris (as Avi): I was gonna say, I’m with Semloh, I’m a little lost on — how did we get the griffin?

Angel: How is this a thing?

Amanda (as Molpadia): Alright, alright here’s what happened. Kella DeMall wanted us to take this griffin because some people are trying to kill it or something, so we’re taking it to safety.  That’s all it really is, it’s really not a big deal.

Angel (as Semloh): But it’s a griffin?  How did you… catch it?

Amanda (as Molpadia): We didn’t catch it, Kella DeMall had it… somewhere. I don’t know, she arranged the whole thing.

Angel (as Semloh): She’s an interesting person.

Chris (as Avi): What did they tell you about the people that are hunting it?  The orcs that were outside of town at the golf course that were just in the area; they’re hunters, they make their living by hunting and they were hunting a griffin.

Kiara (as Gwennis): Yes, but here’s the thing about any good hunter: they also know how to let a kill go and move on to the next hunt.  If it’s the only way that they feed themselves or make a living then they’ll make the smart choice, they’ll know when to fold.

Chris (as Avi): I just —

Amanda (as Molpadia): What do you want to do, give the griffin back to them?

Chris (as Avi): No, I guess I just want to understand like why are we protecting the griffin, what’s…

Amanda (as Molpadia): We’re not, we’re just going to set it free.  It was injured, the townspeople took care of it, they asked us to take it out into nature and set it free, and from there?  It’s on it’s own.

Chris (as Avi): Alright.

Eric: Who wants to do some role-playing while I look something up?

Amanda: Molpadia does.

Kiara: Ok.

Amanda: But if Semloh would like to go first, go ahead!

Angel: No, I’ll just try to listen in because I’m curious about what’s going on, with all the faces and shit silently flying around.

Amanda: The whole time we’ve been riding, Molpadia has been kind of consistently fiddling with her sword at her hip and kind of glaring, and finally she turns around and glares at Gwennis and says,

Amanda (as Molpadia): So do you have something to tell me about last night?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Uh… um… I may have tried to clean your sword for you!  I noticed it was rusty…

Amanda (as Molpadia): Uh-huh… and how’d that go over for you?

Kiara (as Gwennis): About as well as some decisions I’ve made.

Amanda (as Molpadia): So would you like to explain the rest of what happened?  We both know you like to play with things you probably shouldn’t.

Kiara (as Gwennis): Do I want to? No. Should I? Probably…

Amanda: Molpadia just kind of leans back a little bit further and fiddles with the reins and stares at her.

Kiara (as Gwennis): Are you asking for an explanation for yourself or are you asking so that someone else knows what happened?

Amanda (as Molpadia): I don’t care what anyone else knows, I want to know why you decided to take my sword — and I don’t think cleaning it was ever part of that decision making. When was the last time you ever cleaned a weapon? And beyond that, you know me. My weapons are always pristine, as pristine as they can be.

Kiara (as Gwennis): I wanted to try to apologize in a way — I really was only trying to clean it. And I know your weapons are pristine, which is why I was confused as to why you have a very rusty blade.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Gwennis, what did you find out about my sword?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Not a whole lot. I got more frustrated than I’d like to admit.

Amanda (as Molpadia): What did you do to my sword?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Nothing more than try to clean it! I didn’t do anything else with it because it’s frankly not mine!

Amanda (as Molpadia): When has that stopped you with magic items?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Not often, unless I’ve already pissed off the owner of said item and I kind of like them as a person…

Amanda (as Molpadia): Don’t. Touch. My stuff.

Kiara (as Gwennis): …yes ma’am.

Eric: Hey Mol! Guess what? Make me a vehicle check.

Angel: Guess what?

Kiara: Guess what?

Amanda: It’s like my punishment!

Eric: Roll me a d20 and add your proficiency.

Amanda: Shit.

Eric: No, it’s not your punishment.

Kiara: I think she has the soldier background. So she should have proficiency in it.

Amanda: My die is like — I am proficient.

Eric: You probably — add your Dexterity if you want because you have to have quick reflexes.

Amanda: So, my proficiency and my Dexterity modifiers?

Eric: Yes.

Amanda: Ok, so that’s… still only 5.  I rolled a 2.

Eric: Ok, as you’re talking to her you don’t notice four elks burst out of the treeline and the horses rear back. Make me a Dexterity saving throw, Mol.

Amanda: Dexterity saving throw? Natural 19 plus 1 for 20.

Eric: Nice! So, the horses rear back bringing the cart to a sudden and violent halt. Like, you hear the griffin go (makes griffin noise). You hear Kallista go (makes griffin noise).

Amanda: As she would.

Eric: But you yourself take no damage as the four elks just gallop across the road with little concern for anyone else.

Angel: They’re just galloping across.

Eric: Ok, and before you do your role-playing, Semloh can you do highs or lows?

Angel: Highs or lows? Uh, lows.

Eric: Ok!

Eric: Hello and welcome to the midroll, it is I the GM, Eric Szypulski, the GM of the Dice Fiends. And the midroll section is usually the place where we talk about awesome people like sponsors or wonderful, wonderful people who support us on Patreon or left us 5-star reviews on iTunes, but I have four very special wonderful people I want to talk about today. There names are Amanda Joyce, Kiara Mueller, Angel Powell, and Sarah Wheatley.  Without them, none of this would have been possible and I would still be just running random one-shots trying to like, get good adventure ideas and staving off boredom as I run people against the Trials of the Superb Owl or do Scooby-Doo one-shots or do How the Party Saved Christmas. It’s just really special that this went from a silly one-shot to a silly campaign to an extremely silly podcast. And yeah, like I said this is the section where I’m gonna be normally talking about sponsors, people who support us on Patreon, or our wonderful, wonderful friends who give us 5-star reviews on iTunes. It just helps us get out there. But yeah, thank you for listening and thank you for tuning in to the very first episode of Dice Fiends. We’re gonna kick some ass and I hope you enjoy the first arc and everything else we have planned because it’s gonna be great. It’s gonna be great. Alright, well let’s get back to the show and let’s see what suffering happens to our heroes now! Bye!

Eric: Now y’all siblings can talk if you wish while I do some calculations.

Angel: Do you head over on your own, Gwennis?

Kiara: To talk to you? Um, It takes her a couple minutes.  There’s the whole like, look at Semloh, look at Mol, look at the road ahead, look away from everyone, and this happens like a good three times before she’s all like “eh I guess I just gotta face the fire, as it were!” So Gwennis moves over next to Semloh and is all like, “So…”

Angel (as Semloh): Yeah, um, what happened last night? I heard you guys come in but…

Kiara (as Gwennis): I may or may not have done another dumb… it’s hard to say because quite frankly I don’t remember all of it and that has less to do with the alcohol than you think!

Angel (as Semloh): Yeah, we have got to talk about that alcohol anyway. You’re freaking me out, Gwennis.

Kiara (as Gwennis): I promise my wineskin is just full of water, today.

Angel (as Semloh): Well, that’s a good step.

Kiara (as Gwennis): Uh… so…

Angel (as Semloh): Well, tell me what you remember.

Kiara (as Gwennis): What I do remember is me, Kallista, and Mol went on a bit of a frolick adventure. We met some pig people, and that was —

Angel (as Semloh): Some what people?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Pig people!

Angel (as Semloh): Pig people.

Kiara (as Gwennis): Yeah, it was very strange.

Angel (as Semloh): People that look like pigs or people that keep pigs?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Uh, people that look like pigs, and they speak Common, too, but I think they also speak Oink.

Angel (as Semloh): This is not a real thing.

Kiara (as Gwennis): This is 100% a real thing, I promise. This was probably one of the stranger things, but maybe not even the strangest.

Angel (as Semloh): Ok…

Kiara (as Gwennis): Then again, I also was drunk on a lot of this so take this with a grain of salt. You may need to double-check on the pig people with Molpadia.

Angel (as Semloh): I — gotcha.

Kiara (as Gwennis): But, we ran into a banshee, as we heard that there was one haunting the area. Uh, we originally were just gonna, y’know, get rid of it as you do when evil creatures do haunting but, uh, well… it apparently, um… really liked stories and making deals.

Angel (as Semloh): What deal did you make with the banshee?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Um… see, this is where it gets fun. I lost a memory, I can’t tell you what it is cause frankly I don’t remember it. In order to get a recipe for something so you wouldn’t have to fear fire as much anymore.  

Angel (as Semloh): Oh, Gwennis… but you had to give up a memory?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Yep!

Angel (as Semloh): And of course you don’t remember it now…

Kiara (as Gwennis): Nope!

Angel (as Semloh): Was it supposed to be important?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Probably? And considering the way that Mol was glaring at me when we came back it was, well, whatever it was wasn’t necessarily a good choice.

Angel (as Semloh): So Mol knows the memory that you had to give up.

Kiara (as Gwennis): To get a recipe to make sure that you could not be hurt by fire anymore, I would do damn near anything.

Angel (as Semloh): Right, but Mol know what you gave up? Or not?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Well I would give up anything. In this case, a memory.

Angel (as Semloh): Right, but did you like speak out the memory? Did Mol hear what the memory was, or did the banshee just take it?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Uh, the banshee took it so it’s literally not in my head anymore, which doesn’t aid in the confusion as why exactly Mol is mad at me. I know the general gist is she’s mad that I made a deal with something that may or may not be a little bit evil. I really need to stop playing with magic shit.

Eric: Do you want to roll me a deception check?

Kiara: Damn it! No!

Amanda: And if Mol was hearing any of this, she would have said “no shit, Sherlock!”

Angel: And I get to do an… Insight?

Eric: Insight.

Kiara: This is not good because it’s my sibling and they real good at this (makes grunting noise).

Eric: What was that? Was that you throwing your die?

Angel: Throwing up your die?

Kiara: Yeet! Anyways, uh…

Eric: This die empty! YEET!

Kiara: I rolled a 7!

Amanda: Oh my gosh, we’re all rolling like crap today!

Kiara: I mean I did roll an actually ok Animal Handling check at the very beginning. It’s just —

Eric: Good job, the roll didn’t matter, you got there. Ok. Semloh, what did —

Kiara: So what did —

Angel: I’m automatically pass this because of my Ear for Deceit. When you choose this archetype at 3rd level, you develop a talent for picking out lies. Whenever you make a Wisdom (Insight) check to determine whether a creature is lying, treat a roll of 7 or lower on the d20 as an 8.

Kiara: Ok, but the thing is how much do you pick up? That’s the question. Because if you’re close to matching my score you might be like, “she’s lying, but I can’t really tell where or when she’s lied.”

Angel: Sure, I’ll go ahead and roll, it, that’s fine. 14 plus 3, 17.

Kiara: Oh.

Eric: Holy shit.

Kiara: Oh.

Eric: Yeah.

Kiara: She probably knows exactly when I started lying.

Eric: So, tell her, when did you start lying?

Kiara: When I said I didn’t remember the memory entirely, was kind of a little bit of a lie.

Angel (as Semloh): Tell the truth.

Kiara (as Gwennis): Lying to you has always been the hardest thing to do.

Angel (as Semloh): So don’t do it!

Kiara (as Gwennis): Well, I don’t remember all of the memory, but she didn’t take the entire thing…

Angel (as Semloh): So, what part do you remember?

Kiara (as Gwennis): I still remember the fire, I still remember being saved, I still remember telling her that part of the story.

Eric: Who’s up front?

Amanda: Molpadia, technically, with the cart.

Eric: Do you have your shield with you?

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Do you have your shield on?

Amanda: Uh, it would probably be — not probably on my arm, it’s probably sitting next to me. Yeah, it’s sitting next to me.

Eric: Ok, does a 16 hit you?

Amanda: Without my shield? Um, let me see, hang on one second. Ok, 16 is my Armor Class without my shield.

Eric: Ok, so as Gwennis is having this tender heart-to-heart moment with Semloh and opening up about what she remembers, a tiny, miniscule arrow flies from the trees and pricks you on the shoulder, Molpadia, dealing 1 point of damage.  As you hear tiny calls of “intruders! Defend the forest! Intruders!” as five sprites fly out of the treeline. I’m gonna need y’all to roll me some initiative.

Kiara: Oh for the love of…

Angel: WHAT? Oh my god!

Kiara: I’m not sure if I love the interruption or hate it! It’s a mixed bag!

Angel: Semloh is very frustrated. Oh my god. Who rolls a 1 on initiative?

Eric: Semloh does, apparently. Semloh: 1.

Amanda: Molpadia rolled a 9.

Eric: Wow, y’all are just… Avi?

Angel: Shit rolls tonight.

Chris: 18.

Eric: See? Avi’s on top, he’s the only one without CW drama going on. Gwennis?

Kiara: I rolled a 13. Apparently I’m very eager to get out of the CW drama.

Eric: Yep. You see — ok Avi you have the initiative. You see five sprites flying towards you, two have swords drawn while three have their bows drawn on you.

Amanda: Oh wait, I rolled an 11, I’m sorry I forgot about the plus 2 to my initiative for my sword.

Eric: Goddammit… ok well, they’re all gonna die before they get to go.

Kiara: Yay!

Eric: Avi?

Chris: Avi just wants to show that we’re not intruding, we’re just passing through. We mean you no harm, let us pass.

Eric: Ok, do you want to roll a persuasion check?

Chris: 16.

Angel: What creatures are these?

Eric: Oh wow! Sprites. Ok, so, they’ll have to wait until their turn. Ok, Gwennis? Was that your action, Avi?

Chris: Yes.

Kiara: I switch my crossbow and I ready an action to shoot if they attack us again. But I otherwise do not attack them until I know if they’re going to stand down after Avi shouts.

Eric: Alright, Mol. You see the one that just shot you and it looks kind of smug.

Amanda: Ok, I’m going to immediately — basically Mol’s just gonna stick her hand down into her shield so that it’s on, and draw her sword while also pulling back on the reins.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Avi! Talk to them!

Amanda: And ready an action in case they continue their attack. If they attack again, then she’ll attack back.

Eric: Ok, so, on their turn — with an excellent persuasion roll, they all huddle together (murmurs some Sprite noises) — Semloh, can I get a highs or lows real quick?

Angel: Lows.

Eric: Ok, one

Eric (as a Sprite): Sorry! You know, we’re just waiting out here, saw some people come by, some hearts looked dark with hate and anger, so you know, we were just like “oh intruders pew pew!” but it was our bad

Amanda (as Molpadia): You shot me!

Eric (as a Sprite): Yep! Gotcha!

Kiara: Tag! You’re it!

Eric (as a Sprite): Got your ass!

Amanda: Molpadia reaches up and,

Amanda (as Molpadia): I’m actually bleeding from my arm right now.

Eric (as a Sprite): Well, I assure you… it’s just a pinprick!

Amanda (as Molpadia): I hate this day.

Amanda: And she sits back down again.

Angel: Mol is having one of the worst days ever.

Eric (as a Sprite): Well, ok, uh yeah so are we cool?

Eric: They look to Avi.

Chris (as Avi): Are you waiting for anyone in particular? Like, are you expecting danger or did you just see a bunch of people and think “yeah, let’s shoot them”?

Eric (as a Sprite): We didn’t yell out “shoot them!” We yelled out “intruders!” Maybe we yelled out “shoot them”?

Chris (as Avi): No, sorry I probably misspoke. You were waiting for travelers, you were waiting for trouble, why did you just attack us?

Eric (as a Sprite): You look like intruders!

Chris (as Avi): We’re like, on the road traveling in a cart, as people do.

Eric (as a Sprite): Well, uh, the road was made by intruders.

Chris (as Avi): Alright well, uh… don’t know really what to tell you except maybe think about… I don’t even know I’m sorry but we’re on our way, just passing through

Eric (as a Sprite): Ok, ok, no need to get upset.

Amanda (as Molpadia): You shot me!

Eric (as a Sprite): Yeah, and?

Angel (as Semloh): They agreed not to shoot us anymore, Mol, let’s just keep going.

Eric (as a Sprite): Yeah, we won’t shoot you anymore.

Eric: They’re slowly hovering away from the cart.

Amanda: Mol just yanks her shield back off and slams it back down.

Eric: Ok, so the Sprites disband and go back into the forest again, leaving you to once again resume your journey with one final highs or lows from Semloh. Oh wait, from Gwennis never mind, everyone’s already done it but her.

Kiara: What have I done?

Eric: Highs or lows.

Kiara: Low!

Eric: Ok, so does anyone else want to talk? Or do you want to —

Angel: Well, we’re still in the middle of a conversation.

Kiara: We haven’t left our conversation, you interrupted it. Although Gwennis is hoping the Sprites distracted her sibling enough to get out of this conversation!

Angel: No.

Kiara: Damn it!

Angel: So, me and Bogart are gonna find our way next to Gwennis and her pony — which I don’t remember the name of.

Kiara: I can’t remember the name of my pony either, I’ll come back to you later.

Angel (as Semloh): So… after that whole Sprite thing, and back to what we were talking about.

Kiara (as Gwennis): We could…

Angel (as Semloh): So, you gave up a memory of our family dying?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Not quite… I still remember that part.

Angel (as Semloh): I… I don’t understand, then, what you gave up.

Kiara (as Gwennis): I can’t tell you either because I don’t remember it. Listen, if you really wanna know whatever it was, Molpadia and Kallista still remember — because however she takes the memories, this banshee, when you’re the one listening, you still remember what you were told. Only the person speaking loses the memory of having told the story and the memory of the story entirely.

Angel (as Semloh): Ok… I don’t know if I want to know, because it sounds bad!

Kiara (as Gwennis): Considering, probably.

Angel (as Semloh): I don’t know if I want to deal with this right now… I mean, I don’t know whether I should be happy ‘cause you did it for me or upset because you told a horrible thing.

Kiara (as Gwennis): You don’t have to decide right now. And if you need space, maybe I should be better at giving people space when they need it from me.

Angel (as Semloh): I mean, right now I’m just gonna not think about it and try to just focus on the task at hand, and getting to Fliplock’s. Maybe I’ll talk to Mol when things settle down.

Kiara (as Gwennis): Alright, I’ll let Mol that whatever she knows, she can tell you. Although I doubt my permission has much to do with the situation at this point.

Eric: As you two are talking now, having your heart-to-heart, Mol and Avi you do see — it looks like at first a man riding a horse trotting towards you, but then as he gets closer you see the man is connected to the horse. He just like trots off past you not bothering you. He does look that you have the horses riled up and just (sighs).

Kiara: That is an interesting situation. Gwennis just —

Eric: I mean, I could have him attack you, if you wanted.

Kiara: No that’s fine! That’s fine.

Angel: He seems like he’s either disgusted by horses or sad that they’re pulling the cart.

Eric: Horse slavery, man. Ok! So, after that eventful and completely peaceful journey through the forest with nothing bad happening to anyone —

Amanda: Excuse me!

Kiara: No drama!

Amanda: I’ve got a hole. In my arm, and in my tunic, and now I have to fix —

Eric: You can get Gwennis to do it, she can clean your stuff.

Kiara: Yeah, like she’s letting me near her shit ever.

Eric: Your tunic might just become steampunk if she does.

Kiara: I mean, she will try her damndest. To be fair, she does know the Mending cantrip, so she can fix her shit. But that’s only if Mol is willing to go to Gwennis and ask her anything. I’m gonna assume that’s a fat no.

Eric: Mending can’t fix a broken heart, Gwennis.

Angel: Oh my god. Quote of the night.

Eric: Yep, one of Hezra’s Rules. Ok, so you make it out of the forest and ahead of you you see a nice old manor mostly wood with a corn row, a tangleweed row, just a lot of strange out-of-place crops. What looks like a hatch sticking up out of a field. And you see a gnome — it’s about 10AM right now. You see a gnome just rocking back and forth on his porch in a rocking chair.

Angel: Ok did anyone else think that Eric was saying Fliplock had cornrows? Like, hair?

Eric: He might!

Angel: That’s what I thought was being described.

Eric: Well, now he does.

Kiara: Alright.

Eric: Ok, so as you pull up in front of the manor, you can set the griffin free if you want, now.

Kiara: Yes.

Angel: Semloh is far away from that…

Eric: Does Gwennis want to be the one who does it? Or does she keep giving Mol her distance right now?

Kiara: Uh, probably distance and leave that for Avi to do, as the wonderful druid who loves animal things.

Chris: Avi is literally in the back of the caravan watching everyone disperse and get away from the griffin and is like “I guess… ok, I’ll do it”.

Kiara: I like how he sees everyone dispersing away from the griffin and Gwenniss is just like “nah, I’m dispersing from Mol”.

Amanda: Mol has gotten down and is tending to her horse and is just ignoring everything going on.

Chris: I will roll an Animal Handling check… wait for it.

Eric: Will Avi be able to set the griffin free without it attacking everyone? Find out next time on Hezra’s Hellraisers: a Dice Fiends 5th Edition adventure. The Dice Fiends are Sarah Wheatley, Amanda Joyce, Kiara Mueller, and Angel Powell, with Chris as our special guest. DM’ing and producing is done by Eric Szypulski, our logo designed by @kurryschatter, and the music is done by Kevin Macleod at incompetech.com — you can find the track listings in the show notes. You can find us every other Wednesday on iTunes or wherever you get good podcasts, and if you liked what you heard and want to support us, please leave a rating and review on iTunes.  Until next time, remember: a griffin in the bush is worth two against your face.


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