Thank you for listening!
Thanks to @kurryschatter for the logo design. Music tracks are by Kevin Macleod at incompetech.com. The tracks used in this episode are: Our Story Begins, Enchanted Valley, and The Forest and the Trees.
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Cast and Crew:
– Dungeon Master: Eric Szypulski
– Molpadia: Amanda Joyce
– Semloh: Angel Powell
– Gwennis: Kiara Mueller
– Kallista: Sarah Wheatley
– Muhmed: Jeff (guest)
The Dice Fiends podcast is a live play Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition podcast featuring a wonderful cast of chuckle-friends. This group of Fiends are composed of an unlikely combination of people brought together by Dungeons and Dragons. We are a collaboration of D&D experts and D&D newbs, but most of all, we’re fiends for the sound of rolling dice.
Eric: Welcome to Episode 4 of Hezra’s Hellraisers, a Dice Fiends 5th Edition adventure. When we last left our heroes they had started their investigations into the wolf attacks that happened in Old Oak. After meeting up with Mol’s childhood friend Muhmed, the party split off to check out two locations for clues. Mol, Muhmed, and Gwennis went to the butcher/coroner Blep, the lizardfolk, and learned many details, including how one of the victims died mysteriously of hypothermia… on a warm summer’s night. Now Kallista’s going by her lonesome to the Lonely Cat to see if she can get any assistance. Is the Lonely Cat actually an inn like she suspects? And if it’s not, what is it? Let’s find out.
Eric: You start petting the cat and an older tiefling than you with white hair and robes comes out and is like.
Eric (as Emil Kadashi): What… what In which our heroes meet someone new, eat cheese, and throw shade.do you want?
Sarah (as Kallista): Um, I’m looking for someone named Emil?
Eric (as Kadashi): That’s me. I’m Emil Kadashi.
Sarah (as Kallista): Hi, I had a few questions for you. Um, can you tell me, first, what is this place?
Eric (as Kadashi): It’s a brothel.
Sarah (as Kallista): Right. Right, yep that totally checks out.
Kiara: Damn it. Gwennis made the wrong choice.
Sarah: I did not…
Amanda: Please say you’re looking for a job.
Eric (as Kadashi): Are you looking for a job?
Sarah (as Kallista): I just got hired by somebody so not at the moment… but, uh, is this a nice place?
Sarah: I’d like to take a look around to see how fancy it seems? How well kept it is?
Eric: He flicks you a business card.
Sarah: Is it a nice place?
Eric: It’s a fairly nice brothel. It’s a little higher-class than you’d expect in a town like this. Like, every looks like they’re treated well here.
Sarah (as Kallista): It’s not one of the worst places I’ve seen so…
Sarah: So I’m gonna take his business card. Yup.
Sarah (as Kallista): Thanks. Well, I’m actually here on different business. I’m here because I was just hired to find out — a little birdy told me that there’s some problems with wolves…
Eric (as Kadashi): Tobold sent you?
Sarah (as Kallista): Yeah, the Mayor sent us. Sent me, I’m sorry my companions are elsewhere. They sent me.
Eric (as Kadashi): That’s ok, that’s ok. So he hired you — did he hire you to take out the monsters?
Sarah (as Kallista): He hired me to get to the bottom of this, whatever this is.
Eric (as Kadashi): Fucking cheap-ass.
Sarah (as Kallista): Ok, excuse me?
Eric (as Kadashi): I heard there’s — no, sorry, I wasn’t calling you a cheap-ass, I’m sure you are a lovely woman with plenty deep pockets.
Sarah (as Kallista): Did you just…
Eric (as Kadashi): But I went to him this morning. I was like “hey, I heard there were some problems. Give me 1200 and I’ll make your problems go away” and he was like “no, let me think about it and” no…
Sarah (as Kallista): That’s unfortunate but I must ask what the owner of a brothel might be able to do to make these problems disappear?
Eric (as Kadashi): I’m an ex-adventurer.
Sarah (as Kallista): You’re an ex-adventurer! Interesting! Interesting. I’m sure we could share quite a many story on a different day, but —
Eric (as Kadashi): Oh, well if you want to get some drinks…?
Sarah (as Kallista): Uh, maybe later.
Eric (as Kadashi): So what do you want to know?
Sarah (as Kallista): Well —
Eric (as Kadashi): And how much is it worth to you?
Sarah (as Kallista): Well… I was wondering… you see, I don’t get paid until after the job is done. Of course, you know how it is, you’ve been in my position before…
Eric (as Kadashi): Yeah, I demanded up-front payment. Less chance for them to screw you.
Sarah (as Kallista): That’s a very good point. That is a really good point.
Kiara: Kallista — “damn it!”
Eric (as Kadashi): How old are you, by the way?
Sarah (as Kallista): That’s none of your business.
Eric (as Kadashi): Ok. Jesus, you’re young enough to be my daughter and you don’t even know that. What are they teaching kids these days?
Amanda: He just judged your ability to screw people over. Wow.
Sarah (as Kallista): Anyways…
Eric (as Kadashi): Listen…
Sarah (as Kallista): I was wondering how much you might know about what’s happening? I was told that there are apparently a pack of wild wolves being led by a Dire Wolf, going around stealing people’s eyes, tongue, and heart. Now, to me, that doesn’t sound very wolf-ish.
Eric (as Kadashi): That doesn’t, does it?
Eric: He leads you back to the stand in the front and he sits down on the little chair and reaches under it, pulling out a little jar that says “TIPS” on it, and he just sits there looking at you with a jar in one hand.
Eric (as Kadashi): The thing is, I don’t think it’s wolves.
Amanda: No shit, Sherlock.
Sarah: I take out — uh I need to look at my sheet because I don’t know how much money I have… where?
Eric: You can just say “all of it”
Sarah: I take out one silver and I put it in the jar.
Eric (as Kadashi): What was your name again?
Sarah (as Kallista): I never said it.
Eric (as Kadashi): Listen, you seem like a smart woman.
Amanda: Didn’t he just call you stupid five seconds ago?
Sarah: I know, I’m waiting.
Eric (as Kadashi): Would you do work for one silver piece?
Sarah (as Kallista): Maybe. You don’t know anything about me.
Eric (as Kadashi): Well you have low standards, then.
Sarah (as Kallista): Maybe I just have a better moral compass than you do.
Amanda: It’s so good that Mol isn’t there!
Eric: He puts the jar down on the table.
Eric (as Kadashi): Listen, I have a moral compass too, but when the tax man comes around I don’t say “hey, can I pay you with my moral compass?” I don’t buy my food or wine with my moral compass, I buy it with gold.
Sarah (as Kallista): Now —
Eric (as Kadashi): You put nine more silver in there and we’ll be in business.
Sarah (as Kallista): Emil —
Eric (as Kadashi): You can call me Kadashi.
Sarah (as Kallista): Kadashi? Kadashi. I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m not an idiot. You think I don’t know how much a brothel the size of yours and the quality of yours actually pulls in? How much do you want to bet that you’re not paying all of your taxes? Especially when you’re taking side jobs like the one you’re trying to pull on me right now? Do you write off these jobs? With your tax collector? Or do you want me to walk down the street and go submit this job for myself?
Eric (as Kadashi): Are you a fucking narc?
Sarah (as Kallista): Are you gonna make me be?
Eric: Roll me a Persuasion check.
Sarah: You try so hard to not let me do those.
Eric: You can do it at any time you want to!
Sarah: I try to not do them unless you command it… because it’s not my job to determine when rolls happen.
Sarah: Uh, 12 plus 7 for 19.
Eric: He looks to the silver in the jar and puts it back.
Eric (as Kadashi): Like I said, not wolves. If you want what I think it is, it’s probably perytons.
Sarah: What do I know about that?
Eric: Well, make me a Nature check.
Sarah: Nature! Ok. Hm, 3. Because it was a nat 1.
Eric: You don’t know shit.
Amanda: It was a nat 1?
Sarah: I’m all over the place, guys. Ok. So he says he thinks it’s a peryton and I would say.
Sarah (as Kallista): Ok, walk me through it, dude, what is that?
Eric (as Kadashi): Peryton are monsters. Big, winged, flying. They have a wolf’s face and they eat hearts.
Sarah (as Kallista): Are they interested at all in eyes or tongues?
Eric (as Kadashi): If you were any kind of adventurer you would know that small animals go for soft tissue.
Sarah (as Kallista): When did all this start?
Eric (as Kadashi): Last night. Sometime around 11 probably.
Sarah (as Kallista): So, this — the first occurance of this happened last night at 11 and it’s already becoming a hubbub within the town? Word travels fast for a small town, I gotta admit.
Eric (as Kadashi): Listen, two rich people die, everyone loses their shit. You know how it goes.
Sarah (as Kallista): Yeah, I do know how it goes.
Eric (as Kadashi): It could have been two tieflings like us and they’re like “oh, it’s just another Sunday.” You have to learn to screw people before they screw you.
Sarah (as Kallista): Don’t I know it. Is there anything — uh, I think that’s all the questions I have. Um, so…
Sarah: I’m gonna hold up the card and go “thank you for the card” and just kind of drop it and walk out. And flip another silver behind me as I walk out. Onto the floor so he has to pick it up to get it.
Eric (as Kadashi): If you ever wanna go fuck yourself you know where to find you!
Sarah (as Kallista): Man, what a jerk.
Kiara: Just fuck you, dude.
Sarah: And I don’t even touch the door, I get like, 5 feet away and I just slam it!
Eric: Roll to slam —
Sarah: Oh no wait! I don’t slam it! I close it until it’s like 1 inch away from the latch so that he has to close it.
Amanda: Oh, that’s such a bitch move. That’s such a bitch move.
Kiara: Oh my god. Oh my god I love everything.
Eric: You see, I give you doors to slam and everything.
Sarah: I know, but she really doesn’t like this guy.
Kiara: Worse than a slam! I’m gonna make you…exert effort on ME leaving!
Sarah: Because Sarah — Sarah would slam it. Kallista would… get a little more fun out of it?
Amanda: Kallista’s more — more conniving?
Sarah: Ok, so I’ve finished there and I’m gonna go back toward the inn that I saw.
Eric: It is an inn called the Slatty Sladdy.
Amanda: The what?
Eric: The Slatty Sladdy. Just say it a couple of times.
Amanda: That’s not how I spelled it, but ok. Whoo, there’s a chill!
Eric: I guess y’all weren’t going towards the Lonely Cat after the coroner’s, so you meet up with Kallista in front of the inn.
Amanda: Ok, and um, when we left the coroner’s, Mol just bee-lined and she left not wanting to talk about using a title
Kiara (as Gwennis): M-hmm, m-hmm
Amanda (as Molpadia): Shut up!
Sarah (as Kallista): Ok, so I learned from a total douchebag that it might be a monster called a Peryton, what did you guys figure out?
Amanda: Poor Jeff is like “what the fuck is going on?” Cause he has no ideas of any backstories at all!
Sarah: Oh, that’s true, he doesn’t.
Kiara (as Gwennis): Well, uh yeah we found out three of the bodies were killed by something canine and that one of them was not killed by something canine.
Sarah (as Kallista): What was it killed by?
Kiara (as Gwennis): Something arcane.
Sarah (as Kallista): How did it die?
Kiara (as Gwennis): Something very cold.
Sarah (as Kallista): Ok…
Kiara (as Gwennis): Body just… hypothermia…
Sarah: Do I know anything about cold magic?
Eric: Make me an arcana check.
Eric: 18? You know that, like, that there’s several types of cold magic —
Amanda: What’s the name of the town we’re in? Sorry, I’ve written it somewhere…
Sarah: Old Oak.
Eric: Thank you!
Sarah: I’m taking notes now, guys.
Eric: There’s some types of cold magic, and if there’s a wolf involved, it might be a Winter Wolf. They are typically evil creatures found up in the North, and they are monstrosities. They have the ability to breathe cones of freezing cold from their mouth.
Sarah (as Kallista): Ok so, killed — killed by a wolf, like killed by a Winter Wolf?
Kiara (as Gwennis): Maybe?
Sarah (as Kallista): That’s kind of a long way from home, isn’t it?
Sarah: Are we that far north, DM?
Kiara (as Gwennis): It had claw marks as well…
Eric: No, no.
Kiara (as Gwennis): That… I mean…
Sarah (as Kallista): Interesting… well, let’s go inside and talk about it.
Eric: So you go inside of the Slatty Sladdy, it is a bustling tavern. And you see several people talking amongst themselves. And there’s a female dwarf at the head of the bar just polishing the bar.
Sarah (as Kallista): Uh, excuse me, how much for a…
Sarah: I look back at Muhmed and I just kind of keep looking past him pretending like he’s not there.
Sarah (as Kallista): One room?
Eric (as the bartender): 5 silver.
Sarah (as Kallista): How many beds are in a room?
Eric (as the bartender): About 2.
Sarah (as Kallista): Ok, how much for 2 rooms?
Eric (as the bartender): 10 silver. A gold.
Sarah (as Kallista): I didn’t know if you had a … thing…
Eric (as the bartender): Nope, we don’t have that.
Sarah (as Kallista): Uh, could we get 2 rooms, then? Gwennis you can… uh, how do you want to split this up, guys? Me and Mol and Gwennis?
Kiara (as Gwennis): Um, I don’t mind sharing a room with Muhmed if he doesn’t mind.
Sarah (as Kallista): Ok.
Jeff (as Muhmed): Nope, I think a cleric and a priest are … could be …
Sarah (as Kallista): Ok, so Mol —
Kiara: Nothing will go wrong except absolutely everything.
Amanda: Mol just shakes her head like “what the hell?”
Sarah (as Kallista): So Mol, you and I can share the room and Gwennis can have the other room!
Amanda (as Molpadia): Yes, Kalli, we can share a room.
Sarah (as Kallista): Ok, just…
Kiara: I mean no matter how this pairing works, Mol gets screwed!
Amanda: And not in the good way!
Eric: Having the time of your life with that fact.
Eric: Ok, so it is now the afternoon block of time on the first day. You can go back to the Mayor, you can go around town asking people what they know, you can gossip in the bar, you can go to Glorious Remedies, you can even go back to one of the places you went!
Kiara (as Gwennis): I’m thinking… my thing is I was thinking we should definitely check out the loom place.
Sarah (as Kallista): I think… I think we should check out the herbalist but I also think that somebody should talk to the bartender in case they have other leads. What about you, Mol?
Amanda: So we went to the uh, the — well I would like to check out… We went to the inn, well we didn’t talk to anyone in the inn. We went to the Lonely Cat; you did; and have you told us what you found out there?
Amanda: Ok, and we told you what we found out at the butcher/morgue. Um, I assume.
Amanda: I’m saying I filled you in.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Um, so they said that we should go to — well, where all this happened was this textile factory thing. Why don’t we go check that out?
Sarah (as Kallista): Ok, um…
Amanda (as Molpadia): Or do we want to wait until tomorrow? I don’t know. To me that’s where everything is happening, so…
Sarah (as Kallista): Yeah but I don’t want to go in there without knowing what I’m getting into. Seems like a really good way to get my tongue ripped out and I’m not a big fan of that idea.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Of all the things you could have ripped off, that’s the thing you …
Sarah (as Kallista): I have priorities, ok?
Amanda (as Molpadia): Um…
Eric: She can’t lie without her tongue!
Amanda: Shut up, Kiara.
Sarah: Can’t do a lot of things without a tongue…
Amanda: You both need to shut up.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Alright, do who else can we talk to? There’s the apothecary guy, I guess. He seemed pretty pissed off that the Mayor wasn’t gonna let him handle everything.
Sarah (as Kallista): Oh, Angry McHandsome?
Eric: Was that in character or out of character?
Sarah: In character.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Anyway, so yeah, should we go talk to him? I don’t know, I think we should buy some potions, personally, because we have none.
Amanda: And I know we do have some funds that we can spend and I have some things to sell, and I will go back and find our list of shit that we need to get rid of at the moment.
Sarah: Oh yeah…
Amanda: Cause we have a bunch of it and this is the first town we’ve been to…
Sarah (as Kallista): Well, I say we split up. We can cover more ground that way and —
Amanda (as Molpadia): So where else do you want to go?
Sarah (as Kallista): Well, there’s a bartender, isn’t there?
Amanda: GM, question.
Amanda: If I leave Tsette with her, could Tsette potentially — I know I can see through Tsette’s eyes, but 1) would I know that considering Mol and her lack of willingness, 2) could Tsette potentially give warning if something was wrong?
Eric: Roll me an arcana check to see if Mol knows if she can see through Tsette’s eyes.
Amanda: This is not going to go well at all.
Sarah: Hey, I speak Celestial now!
Amanda: 4! No…
Eric: You don’t know.
Amanda: 8 minus… yeah, ok. It was 8, I’m sorry. It was 8, not 4. It was 8.
Eric: You know that Tsette can speak to you empathically, that’s why you had all those nightmares.
Amanda: But she has to be in the same room as me?
Eric: You don’t know what the range is, but you remember when you were having all those bad dreams back in Goldcliff, it was because Tsette was trying to communicate with you and you weren’t really clued into what was going on. So you don’t think it has to be in the same room.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Alright, ok. Kalli, what do you want to do, who do you want to talk to? Wizard dude or the bartender? I don’t think we should go alone anymore! I don’t know, you went off on your own and you seem kind of out of sorts at this point.
Sarah (as Kallista): I don’t know! This bartender doesn’t seem all that bad. I think I’ll stick here and just ask a few questions, find some new leads.
Amanda: And Mol looks to the other two.
Sarah (as Kallista): Gwennis?
Amanda (as Molpadia): What do you two want to do?
Kiara (as Gwennis): Um, well… the leads are try to listen around town and see if anyone else have anything of particular interest they can add to it, or try to check out the site, but if I was gonna check out the site I would wanna go tonight, see if anything interesting is happening.
Sarah (as Kallista): What do you want to do before then?
Kiara (as Gwennis): That’s my take. I’d rather listen to rumors and see what else I can pick up. Even something unconnected might actually be connected to what we’re looking into. We can always investigate it the next day.
Sarah (as Kallista): Sounds like we all have a plan.
Jeff (as Muhmed): I would agree. I think I’ll be sitting probably by myself at the bar to see if I can listen into some conversations.
Amanda: Mol’s gonna go to the apothecary. Is that the same person as the wizard dude? Wondrous Michi. No.
Eric: Wondrous Mishri is Galvin Glorious’s ward at the apothecary.
Amanda: So they’d be together.
Amanda: Ok, then I’m going to go there.
Sarah: I’ve been ignoring Muhmed, by the way.
Eric: And Gwennis stays at the inn?
Jeff: Thank you.
Kiara: Yes, and I listen for rumors.
Eric: Mol and Gwennis, roll me initiative. Or, Mol and Muhmed, roll me initiative.
Jeff: I just rolled a 20.
Amanda: I rolled a 6, plus 3 for nine.
Eric: Good job!
Amanda: Definitely a 20 beats me.
Eric: So, as Mol.
Sarah: Even better.
Jeff: Oh wait, 21.
Eric: Well, I guess Mol just isn’t gonna get a scene, now! As Mol leaves the bar and we go to the three of you. So, Muhmed, you said you’re just listening in on conversations?
Jeff: Yeah. Yeah, I’m not gonna be sitting with Kallista.
Kiara: Why don’t you want to sit with Kallista?
Jeff: Roll me a mingling check.
Sarah: What is that, Charisma?
Jeff: What is that?
Eric: d20 plus your Charisma.
Jeff: I have negative Charisma! 3 minus 1. 2.
Eric: You find yourself listening to some people and they’re talking about, like, is sheriff blah blah blah… and they’re talking about like, what Sheriff Marsten is going to do about it and he should — some people are saying he should join the hunting party and go out to kill the wolves, some people are saying they need to go down to the sheriff’s office and convince him. But they stop talking when you start leaning closer in to get a better conversation… everyone is looking at you as you’ve just leaned in to try and hear them better. What would you like to do?
Jeff: Uh, do I notice that they notice?
Eric: They’re not making any effort to hide it. So, unless you want to mark it up to your poor social graces, you do notice.
Jeff: I think I’ll just continue.
Eric: Just continue listening to them?
Eric: They stare at you for a solid minute, while we’re going to go to Kallista.
Sarah: What do I do?
Eric: What do you want to do, Kallista?
Sarah: I’m going to turn to the bartender and say, “Hi, I’m Kallista.”
Eric (as the bartender): Hi. I’m Brunhilda.
Sarah (as Kallista): Nice to meet you.
Eric (as Brunhilda): Nice to meet you, too.
Sarah: What does she look like, does she have any facial hair at all?
Eric: She’s a dwarf with a short beard. She has a short beard and long, braided hair.
Sarah (as Kallista): I love your braids!
Eric (as Brunhilda): Thank you, thank you.
Sarah (as Kallista): Uh, can I get a drink?
Eric (as Brunhilda): Of course. It’ll be a silver.
Sarah: Ok, I put a silver on the counter.
Eric: She slides you a — it’s just a cup of wine.
Sarah: Ok and I would just like to kind of start talking to her like,
Sarah (as Kallista): So, a little birdy told me that there’s some trouble with wolves.
Eric (as Brunhilda): Are you talking about the wolves?
Sarah (as Kallista): Yeah, I just said wolves.
Eric (as Brunhilda): No, you said a little birdy just told you there’s some trouble.
Sarah (as Kallista): With wolves.
Eric (as Brunhilda): Or maybe you… I’m sorry, my hearing’s going.
Sarah (as Kallista): Oh I’m sorry, should I speak up?
Eric (as Brunhilda): Maybe, yeah, that sounds good.
Sarah (as Kallista): Well, a little birdy told me that there’s some trouble with wolves. What can you tell me about that? What do you know? When did it all start? When did all these wolf attacks start happening?
Eric (as Brunhilda): It started last night for all I know. Maybe there’s some that we weren’t told about.. Kadashi told me it was Perytons over breakfast this morning.
Sarah (as Kallista): Yeah, of course he did.
Eric (as Brunhilda): He’s a real sweetheart.
Sarah (as Kallista): Such a sweetheart.
Eric (as Brunhilda): I think Charon had something to do with it. He’s the shopkeeper in town
Sarah: Sharon? Oh!
Eric (as Brunhilda): He’s the shopkeeper in town, over here from the Union.
Sarah (as Kallista): How long has he been in town?
Eric (as Brunhilda): He’s been in town for about a year, he has a pretty nasty rivalry with the Glassick guy.
Sarah: Glassick? Do I recognize — oh, ok.
Eric: Yes, the big, yep.
Sarah: Thank you.
Eric: Yeah, Mol would’ve told you that.
Sarah: I forgot about it. Thank you, DM.
Amanda: Wait, what?
Sarah: The name of the victim.
Eric: The victim’s were Michael and Francine Glassick, Otto and Jeremy.
Amanda: And all were human except for Otto, who was a gnome?
Eric: A gnome.
Amanda: And they all worked at the same factory [inaudbile – before they got it up and running?]
Sarah (as Kallista): So what does Charon have to do with the factory they all worked at, did he work there, too?
Eric (as Brunhilda): He likes to call himself an entrepreneur. He’s been buying and selling things. But I just think he had something to do with it, rumor is that as soon as they found out he tried to move the mayor to say “hey, I’ll adopt their child”. You don’t just wait you wait until a corpse is in the ground before trying to adopt their kid.
Sarah (as Kallista): Yeah, normally.
Eric (as Brunhilda): That just seems like basic etiquette to me.
Sarah (as Kallista): Figured you’d wait until the funeral customs have all proceeded.
Amanda: Who is this guy?
Eric: Charon. The shopkeeper.
Eric (as Brunhilda): The Mayor won’t do anything about it because there’s no proof he’s done anything illegal, but I’ve never trusted Union traders.
Sarah (as Kallista): I agree… but thank you, this has been valuable information. Now, um, just to clarify, how many victims were there?
Eric (as Brunhilda): There were four, as far as I know.
Sarah (as Kallista): Four! Ok good.
Sarah: Not good! That was out of character.
Eric (as Brunhilda): Nope, that’s ok.
Sarah (as Kallista): Was there anything that seemed, you know, out of the normal, with these victims, for you? You obviously don’t think it’s a Peryton. You think Charon may have something to do with it, but do you have any ideas as to what may have actually done it? Like, why steal the eyes and tongue and heart?
Eric (as Brunhilda): I don’t know about heart, there’s a lot of dark, dark things out there. You know, things that get stronger after rituals. Maybe it was Perytons! Maybe Charon’s controlling them. That’s just my two cents, and it’s just suspicious that all four victims worked in the same factory.
Sarah: Do I believe her?
Eric: Make me an insight check.
Sarah: Well, it was a 7 plus 2 for 9.
Eric: You don’t believe she’s lying.
Sarah: I don’t think she’s lying. Ok, uh…
Sarah (as Kallista): Thank you, that’s some good information.
Eric (as Brunhilda): Anytime, sweetie.
Eric: She goes off to clean some glasses. And now we’re going to go to Gwennis? What are you doing?
Kiara: I’m gonna actually try to see if I can’t casually enter a conversation — especially if I find any churchgoers, and just ham up my cleric-ness a bit. Or crafters.
Eric: Roll to find churchgoers. That would be a Wisdom check.
Kiara: Oh god. Ok. 21! Holy shit.
Eric: 21! You find some old ladies hunched over in their Sunday finest despite it being a Monday, perhaps. And you go over. You just sidle in next to them.
Eric (as an old lady): Oh hello dear! How can I help you?
Kiara (as Gwennis): Hello, I’m a bit new in town. I’m Gwennis, I’m a bit of a cleric.
Eric (as the old lady): Oh, a cleric! Who do you follow?
Kiara (as Gwennis): Moradin, Crafter God of the dwarves. I’ve just been interested in the area, passing through, and was wondering if there was a temple nearby and all that jazz, how the church crowd is, if I was gonna stay long enough to catch a sermon or two.
Eric (as the old lady): We are good Bahamut following folks, here. Nothing like those Sesmik heathens… monotheism. How can there only be one God when this world is so big?
Kiara (as Gwennis): You know, I haven’t looked into Sesmik but that is quite the claim they have!
Jeff: Do I hear this?
Eric: Make me a Perception check.
Eric (as the old lady): It seems rather rude.
Sarah: “Sesmik” what?
Jeff: Nope. 5 plus — what would go with Perception?
Eric: Wisdom, I believe.
Sarah: Yeah, Wisdom.
Eric: Wisdom and Proficiency if you’re proficient in Perception.
Sarah: Probably not…
Jeff: Oh, 9.
Eric: Wait… 9? Ok, so you’re still just staring at those people waiting for them to start talking again.
Jeff: Maybe if I pay them they’ll be my friends.
Eric: Are you sliding money over to them?
Jeff: No, no, no. But that’s what I’m thinking.
Eric: If you want to pay for friends, there’s a brothel for that.
Jeff: Exactly! Sesmik would not approve.
Eric: I can pay people to love me!
Sarah: Only for an hour… or however long it takes.
Kiara: Good lord. So, I’m still talking to the older ladies and schmoozing them about the church and the area and I start asking, you know.
Kiara (as Gwennis): I heard about these attacks that happened, are these —
Eric (as the old lady): The Mayor says there’s a wolf and —
Eric: And the other old lady says:
Eric (as the other old lady): I think Arthur should do something about it! He’s the druid, right?
Eric (as the old lady): Yes, yes.
Kiara (as Gwennis): Ok, that’s interesting. Were they part of the church as well?
Eric (as the old lady): Arthur’s not part of the church, he’s just one of those nature-loving heathens.
Eric: As little old lady across from you says.
Kiara (as Gwennis): Oh, really, so he’s pretty familiar with the area and all that jazz, then?
Eric (as the old lady): Yes, I’ve heard he dances around naked in the night!
Kiara (as Gwennis): Um, that is interesting,
Eric (as the old lady): I’m Doris!
Eric: But she seemed a little too excited so I would take it with a grain of salt!
Kiara (as Gwennis): Ok, um, that’s good to know. Because I’m kind of concerned about this, this is such a horrible thing that’s hit the town and I would sure like to make sure to do my part to make sure it never happens again.
Eric (as the old lady): Oh, you’re a sweetie.
Kiara (as Gwennis): I do what I can to serve my people!
Eric (as the old lady): You will carry Bahamut’s blessing with you.
Kiara (as Gwennis): Well, anyways. Where could I find Arthur if I need to ask for somebody’s help?
Eric (as the old lady): Oh, he lives in his shack outside of town close to the edge of the woods.
Kiara (as Gwennis): Thank you ladies for your time, I hope you have a rest of your meal and all that.
Eric (as the other old lady): You might want to be careful, he could be naked!
Kiara (as Gwennis): I will prepare myself in case that is what happens and I will tell you ladies all about it.
Eric: And with that, we’re going to go to Mol.
Eric: Hello afiendcionados, it is I Eric Szypulski the GM. The GM and the DM of the Dice Fiends podcast. Sorry about that. I am here today with messages of thanks and love. Love and thanks for all of y’all listening to this podcast as we work out the kinks in making a Dungeons and Dragons podcast. And also, thanks to. our spondsor for this week. Shire Suds is a zero-waste soap company dedicated to making soaps for people with extra-sensitive or dry skin. These gentle, nourishing soaps are made from ingredients that come from local farms and businesses. Now head on over to http://www.shiresuds.com and use the coupon code DICEFIENDS at checkout for 10% off your first order of $10 or more. That’s D-I-C-E-F-I-E-N-D-S for 10% off an order of $10 or more over at www.shiresuds.com. And with that out of the way — well, I would say let’s get back to the show, but we’re gonna be having some special shows coming up in the next four weeks so the next regular show will be on the 27th of February — the next episode of Hezra’s Hellraisers. But we will be having a. special Mardi Gras show starting the 20th of February and then having its conclusion on the 6th of March. Join Trip, Babam, Mawdryn ,and Banjo as they seek to save a wonderful festival in the town of Hinnsylvania from an unknown menace. And that will be DM’d not by me, but the wonderful and talented Sarah. Also, if you’re looking for other podcasts to listen to, check out the Nuclear Solution she’s producing right now. It is a post-apocalyptic guide to etiquette, because what are you without your manners? Alright, with all those plugs out of the way, let’s get back to the show. Bye!
Eric: You arrive outside of Glorious Remedies, there is a very short, fat man just sitting on a chair outside of it smoking a pipe. He nods at you as you pass by.
Amanda: I nod back.
Amanda (as Molpadia): The apothecary inside?
Eric (as the man): Yep, go on in.
Amanda (as Molpadia): And you are?
Eric (as the man): Lee Desaad. One of his retainers.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Retainers?
Eric (as Lee): Yes! Mr. Glorious is quite the man!
Amanda (as Molpadia): Oh really? I’m afraid I’m new to town, I don’t know his exploits.
Eric (as Lee): You don’t know Mr. Glorious?
Amanda (as Molpadia): I apologize, no.
Eric: He stands up, puts a hand on your shoulder, motions to the sky.
Eric (as Lee): He’s one of the best hunters this side of the ocean. I don’t know which ocean. One of them. He’s told me that. He’s managed to slay dire beasts all the way from Brightlake to Neverwinter — oh sorry, not Neverwinter. Mosley Spring. I always get those two confused. He is great! He has earned his name and he is rich to boot! He’s always looking for a good wife! No one’s strong like him, he eats a dozen eggs every morning!
Amanda (as Molpadia): Uh, thank you!
Eric (as Lee): You’re welcome.
Amanda: I’m gonna… yeah.
Eric: No one fights like Glorious
Amanda: I literally just take his hand off my shoulder, and as I pat his chest I palm a silver into his chest.
Eric (as Lee): Oh, thank you!
Amanda (as Molpadia): Thank you for the plethora of information, I appreciate it.
Eric: Who’s a man of a man?
Amanda: I’m just gonna go inside and meet the man.
Eric: As you go inside, several villagers who are standing around just start singing and you just barely miss the beginning of that song.
Sarah: No one…
Amanda: Ok! Yeah.
Eric (as Galvin): Who does he think he is?
Amanda: I want to kill you.
Eric (as Galvin): That mayor has tangled with the wrong man! No one says no to Galvin Glorious!
Amanda: Uh, going inside what do I see?
Eric: You see a very well-dressed, well-decorated apothecary with potions on the shelves and the man himself, like, proper attire with a pestle and mortar.
Eric (as Galvin): Oh, hello ma’am. I believe I saw you going into the Mayor’s house. My name’s Galvin Glorious, nice to meet you.
Eric: He holds out his hand.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Nice to meet you.
Amanda: I give him a very firm handshake.
Eric: Do you want to try to squeeze his hand?
Amanda: Nope, just solidly firm. I want to test his handshake more than anything.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Hi, so I hear —
Amanda: I’m trying to channel my inner Kallista.
Amanda (as Molpadia): I couldn’t help but notice your outrage at the Mayor’s refusal to let you take matters into your own hand about this situation.
Eric (as Galvin): I know what’s best for this town! And you know why I think — you know why he won’t let me do it? The elections are coming up. They say “Galvin Glorious killed the wolf and saved the town” he’s out of there, he doesn’t want that. He wants someone else to come in so he can take credit for hiring them.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Oh, why would he want — so, are you hoping to be the next Mayor?
Eric (as Galvin): Of course! I know what’s best for this city, I am Galvin Glorious.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Of course you are.
Eric: And you hear another round of the song going off outside.
Amanda: Of course!
Eric: I’m sorry! I’m sorry. I didn’t know how much this would make you suffer.
Kiara: I want to pass him a carton of eggs and just watch what happens.
Eric: Well, you’re not there.
Amanda: I am so glad nobody else is with me right now! Can you imagine the shit I’d be getting?
Eric (as Galvin): Do you want to come in the back room so we can talk about this? Mishri should be there doing his studies.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Sure, I’d love to hear your thoughts on what type of creature this is. And actually I wanted to talk to you about the potential purchasing of some potions. You see, my siblings and I, we’re adventurers so we’re kind of traveling through the area and we thought this might — we heard there might be a situation in this town that could use our finesse.
Eric (as Galvin): Yes, come with me.
Eric: He goes into the back room.
Eric (as Galvin): It’s clearly wolves. Blep said all the victims have wolf bite marks.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Of course.
Eric (as Galvin): And you know there’s a dire wolf that came into town. It’s probably controlling all of them with whatever magic it uses.
Amanda (as Molpadia): There’s a dire wolf that came into town? When was this?
Eric (as Galvin): I mean, it didn’t come into town, it’s in the grove. The hunters have seen it. I haven’t seen it myself or it would be on the wall, if you know what I mean. I’d shoot it. With an arrow.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Of course, you would. I’m certain, I mean, I’m sure you’d fell it with one arrow.
Kiara: Stroke of an ax!
Eric: As you go into the area behind the desk, he leads you past where they make the potions, and then into his home space.
Sarah: My, what a guy, that Glorious!
Eric: One thing that’s clear from the room is he uses antlers in all of his decorations.
Eric (as Galvin): You wanted to talk about purchasing potions for your party?
Amanda (as Molpadia): Sure, if we’re going to take on this creature I know we probably want to be prepared.
Amanda: I swear to god if one of you starts singing I’m going to kill you.
Sarah: I’m holding it in.
Kiara: I am fighting the urge.
Eric (as Glorious): Well, if you want to be prepared, just take me with you. I’m an expert at hunting every kind of beast.
Amanda (as Molpadia): You know, that’s a great idea!
Eric (as Glorious): I killed a dire bear with two swords. At the same time.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Really? You did? Oh my goodness, that’s just amazing! Uh, where was this?
Eric (as Galvin): Oh it was up in Frostdale in the north. When I was first adopting Wondrous Mishri over here. You should have seen it! We were out on the road when this dire bear just leaps out of the woods! I push Mishri behind me like “don’t worry guys, I’ve got this”. I take out my two swords and it’s an epic battle! It almost gets me by the neck, but then I just shove my swords right into its throat. You can see its head right over there.
Amanda (as Molpadia): I’m sorry, the bear was shooting arrows?
Eric (as Galvin): What? No, it attacked me with its claws and teeth!
Amanda (as Molpadia): Oh! Of course, I must have misunderstood.
Eric (as Galvin): I have fought some arrow-shooting hyenas, though.
Eric: And he just points over to some gnoll heads mounted up on the wall.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Yeah. Amazing. You’re just so strong…
Sarah: Mol, you’re dying.
Eric (as Galvin): I am.
Amanda: Mol sucks at bullshitting.
Kiara: Don’t worry, he’s so full of it that he’s just fucking lapping it up anyways.
Eric (as Galvin): I am strong.
Amanda: This is so where Kallista should have been, not me! Alrighty!
Amanda (as Molpadia): About those potions — what would you happen to have in stock?
Eric (as Galvin): We have some healing potions, some anti-lycanthropy potions, we have some salves.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Ok, how about a few healing potions and maybe one of those anti-lycanthropy potions? I’m sorry, I’m not from around here. So yeah, healing definitely and those other ones sound interesting to you know we should probably have things on hand I mean I’ve done, I’ve never really fought that kind of creature.
Eric (as Galvin): Well, I can sell the anti-lycanthropy potion to you for 150 gold. And the healing potions would normally cost 50 gold but you seem like a really sweet girl so I can give them to you for about 45 each.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Oh wow! Really? Ok! Sure! And are those regular, just regular healing potions?
Eric (as Galvin): Made them myself.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Great.
Kiara: Double check that that shit isn’t fucking [inaudible]
Eric (as Galvin): Best potion-maker this side of Almostspring.
Amanda (as Molpadia): I’m certain! And how many of those do you have available?
Eric (as Galvin): I have 5, about.
Amanda: Sorry, let me check the group funds because I have to go looking.
Amanda (as Molpadia): So, 5, ok. And you said at 45 a piece. Can I buy those 5 and maybe one of those lycanthropy potions? I mean if you say these wolves are really dangerous, you never know when that might come in handy…
Eric (as Galvin): Oh yes! Ok so… 5 of those… Mishri! Do some math for me!
Amanda (as Molpadia): It’s 325 gold.
Eric: And Mishri just looks up.
Eric (as Mishri): What she said, father.
Eric: And he goes back.
Eric (as Galvin): Ok! That’ll be 325 gold.
Sarah: How much gold is in the group pot?
Amanda: Mol hands over the gold.
Eric (as Galvin): Ok, let’s go get it started! And if you ever want any custom orders, just let me know and I can make them up for you.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Really? Wow, you are extremely skilled.
Eric (as Galvin): Mishri and I, we make an excellent team when it comes to making potions.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Well, if you wouldn’t mind, could you go grab those for me now? My siblings and I wanted to get on the road pretty soon.
Eric (as Galvin): Of course — you’re not staying in town? I have rooms available here if you need them!
Amanda (as Molpadia): Oh, that’s very kind of you. I think my siblings have already arranged rooms for us but I’ll remember that next time when we come through!
Eric: He goes back to the stockroom between here and the front to grab your potions, and you’re still in the living area.
Amanda: Ok, and I’m going to look at Mishri and go:
Amanda (as Molpadia): Is he always like that?
Eric: Mishri looks up from his book.
Eric (as Mishri): He’s a braggart? I think that’s what they call him. But, he’s a good person, he adopted me, he takes care of me, he sent me to wizard school for about a year or two.
Amanda (as Molpadia): So who actually killed the dire bear?
Eric (as Mishri): He did! Yeah, he’s —
Amanda (as Molpadia): Oh! Wow! With just his two swords?
Eric (as Mishri): When he says just two swords, that’s what he’s trained in. He’s not like one of those rangers who shoots people, he’s one of those rangers that kills people with swords.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Oh wow, that must have been terribly frightening.
Eric (as Mishri): It was, but he kept us all safe, so…
Amanda (as Molpadia): So have either of you been up to look at the factory?
Eric (as Mishri): He doesn’t want me to go, he thinks that I’ll get hurt.
Amanda (as Molpadia): It’s probably a smart plan.
Eric (as Mishri): But I know Magic Missile, look!
Eric: He just discharges a Magic Missile into the bear head.
Amanda (as Moldpadia): Maybe you shouldn’t practice inside, there’s probably some combustible things in here. If it’s anything like the old potions shops that I remember.
Eric (as Mishri): Yeah, my caretaker always said that, too. Ok, well it was nice to meet you, Ms — um, what’s your name?
Amanda (as Molpadia): Molpadia.
Eric (as Mishri): Nice to meet you, Ms Molpadia!
Amanda: I’m gonna flip the kid a gold.
Eric: An ethereal hand comes out of nothingness and just catches it before depositing it into his hand.
Amanda (as Molpadia): Good luck, kid.
Eric (as Mishri): Oh are you like The Molpadia? Like that warrior all the way back when?
Amanda (as Molpadia): No.
Eric (as Mishri): I know you’re not HER but are you named after her?
Amanda (as Molpadia): Probably not. It’s just some silly name that I came up with when I was a kid.
Eric (as Mishri): Bye, Ms Molpadia!
Amanda (as Molpadia): Bye, kid.
Amanda: And I walk back out front.
Eric: You get your required potions and you leave just as the villagers are disbanding from their chorus. Where would y’all like to meet up now? Do you go to the coroner, back to the inn, or do they come and find you?
Amanda: So it wasn’t a potion of anti-lycanthropy or whatever, right?
Eric: Yeah, he gave you a potion of anti-lycanthropy,
Amanda: And then 5 potions of healing?
Eric: Yes. And he lets you know that you drink it after you believe you’ve been bitten by a lycanthrope but before the curse sets in.
Amanda: Ok, so like, immediately after.
Eric: Anytime between then and the next full moon.
Amanda: We probably want to divvy up these potions of healing at some point, that’s something we need to discuss.
Eric: So where do y’all want to meet up? Are you going straight back?
Sarah: I figured they would meet me.
Eric: Or are y’all going to leave the inn?
Amanda: Mol’s going to go for a little bit of a walk, she’s not ready to go deal with her siblings yet. Actually, she’ll probably end up sitting outside the inn but not have gone in so maybe nobody know that she’s there, unless they roll really high on Perception.
Eric: That could be — Muhmed, the people eventually just left as you kept staring at them. So is there anything else you want to do?
Kiara: Should I pass him a gold to see if you can buy yourself a friend?
Sarah: Hi, I’m Muhmed! Will you be my friend?
Eric (as Brunhilda): Honey, if you want that, go to the Lonely Cat.
Jeff: I have loads of money! It’s not my money, it’s their money.
Sarah: That’s right, you’re just holding it for them.
Jeff: No, I think — it’s coming up to the night, right?
Eric: Yes, it’s coming up on the evening.
Jeff: I wonder if going out to the scene is the best thing to do at this point? Or if we’re going to wait until tomorrow?
Amanda: I’m guessing wait until tomorrow, but I’m not there so I need to not say that, sorry.
Eric: There’s also the sheriff in his office.
Kiara: Yes, there’s the sheriff and there’s also…
Sarah: I want to check out Charon, the shopkeeper.
Kiara: I want to check out my little lead of maybe the naked man. So we’re going to split up? All of us split up?
Jeff: I’m not going to go to the scene by myself.
Amanda: I’m just waiting outside, so I don’t know what you guys are talking about.
Kiara: I pop outside — I’m assume Mol is just right outside the tavern, or is she outside the potion shop still?
Amanda: She’s outside the tavern, enjoying the evening.
Kiara (as Gwennis): Sup? So I’m gonna go check out a potentially naked man, do you want to come with?
Amanda (as Molpadia): What?
Kiara (as Gwennis): Yep! Rumor has it there’s a naked man that may or may not have the information that would be nice to have.
Amanda (as Molpadia): You are are going to lead me to drink so much alcohol, aren’t you?
Kiara (as Gwennis): I don’t try to but now you understand my coping mechanism,
Amanda (as Molpadia): Sure, why not?
Sarah: I’m sitting inside mad that Gwennis has left me with Muhmed, and I refuse to acknowledge him and I just ask the barkeep:
Sarah (as Kallista): Where is Charon’s shop? How do I get there?
Eric (as Brunhilda): Oh Charon? It’s Charon’s Styx, his shop is right off the main road! It should still be open.
Sarah (as Kallista): Ok! Thanks for the info, I’ll go check that place out.
Eric (as Brunhilda): Right off the main road. That’s where it is. Are you taking your friend with you?
Sarah (as Kallista): I’m sorry, who?
Eric (as Brunhilda): The friend who came in with you. The guy sitting over there. He drove away some customers, you know.
Sarah (as Kallista): Can I just leave him here?
Eric (as Brunhilda): I’m not your parent, sure.
Sarah: I just leave a gold on the counter.
Sarah (as Kallista): Thanks.
Sarah: And then I leave.
Eric (as Brunhilda): Anytime, baby.
Eric: And Muhmed, do you want to do anything?
Kiara: Are you going to follow any of the particular groups?
Jeff: Are there any other people left?
Eric: The Shorf? The Shorf?
Kiara: The Sheraff?
Jeff: I think he’ll just go to bed at this point. Or at least head in and meditate or something like that.
Eric: He goes up to the room he’s sharing with Gwennis.
Sarah: Sorry, Jeff!
Amanda: Such a party pooper.
Jeff: I’ll just go sulk.
Eric: I think what it is is you’re just made he can see through your bullshit because he has a plus 6 to Insight.
Amanda: For reference, guys, we need to find a place to cash in these jewels because we’ve got a lot of them. And they’re worth a lot of money.
Eric: Charon’s shop!
Sarah: Well, I head to Charon’s.
Eric: Kallista and Gwennis, roll me initiative.
Sarah: Nat 20.
Amanda: We’re wasting all our nat 20s on like, completely and utterly worthless shit!
Eric: I know!
Kiara: I want you to know —
Amanda: You both nat 20’d?
Kiara: I want you to know that I also nat 20’d but your modifier is higher.
Eric: You both nat’ed?? Oh my goodness!
Sarah: It’s no good, it’s wasted.
Eric: Oh no, it’s great. It’s great… for me.
Sarah: Not ok.
Kiara: It’s fine, it’s fine.
Sarah: What does that get me? What does that mean? Tell me. Hit me with it.
Eric: You just make your way to his shop.
Sarah: Power walking.
Eric: You see Gwennis and Mol walking out of the town as you’re making your way over there. You’re like “fuck them, I have a mission.”
Eric: Will Kallista find clues from the murders by talking to Charon? What surprises will the druid have for Mol and Gwennis? And will the next episode end once again with Kallista split from the rest of the party? Find out next time on Hezra’s Hellraisers, a Dice Fiends 5th Edition adventure. The Dice Fiends are Sarah Wheatley, Amanda Joyce, Kiara Mueller, and Angel Powell, with Jeff as our special guest. DM’ing and producing is done by Eric Szypulski, our logo is designed by @kurryschatter, and the music is done by Kevin Macleod at incompetech.com. Track listings are in the show notes. You can find more information about the show, including transcripts for each episode, on our website. You can check us out every other Wednesday on iTunes or wherever you get good podcasts, and if you liked what you heard and want to support us, please leave a rating and review on iTunes. And until next time, remember: if you want power walking, you might as well not be walking. Good bye.