Episode 5: That Escalated Quickly

In which our heroes try to sell jewels, take a nap, and have a stake out.

Thank you for listening!

Thanks to @KurrysChatter for the logo design. The tracks used in this episode are “Our Story Begins”, “Enchanted Valley”, and “Not As It Seems” by Kevin MacLeod (http://incompetech.com), licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0. Full transcripts of the show can be found at www.dicefiends.com.

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Cast and Crew:

– Dungeon Master: Eric Szypulski

– Molpadia: Amanda Joyce

– Semloh: Angel Powell

– Gwennis: Kiara Mueller

– Kallista: Sarah Wheatley

– Muhmed: Jeff (guest)

About Us:

The Dice Fiends podcast is a live play Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition podcast featuring a wonderful cast of chuckle-friends. This group of Fiends are composed of an unlikely combination of people brought together by Dungeons and Dragons. We are a collaboration of D&D experts and D&D newbs, but most of all, we’re fiends for the sound of rolling dice.


Eric: Welcome to Episode 5 of Hezra’s Hellraisers, a Dice Fiends 5th Edition adventure. When we last left our heroes, they reconvened to share information before splitting up again to continue their investigation in the town of Old Oak. Will they crack the case, or will whatever monster is lurking in the dark claim another life? Let’s find out.

Eric: You find Charon’s shop and as you go inside you see a larger man, older, he looks very wealthy and you see the unmistakable sigil of the Trader’s Union hanging up on the wall behind his counter.

Eric (as Charon): Welcome to my shop! My name is Charon.

Sarah (as Kallista): Hi! My name is Natasha.

Eric (as Charon): Natasha!

Sarah (as Kallista): I come into town for a little bit. I come and I hear bad story about wolf? What is this story?

Eric (as Charon): About a wolf? Nasty story, nasty story.

Sarah (as Kallista): Can you tell me more about it? I am very curious, I don’t know this land very well and I am a bit concerned if wolves are attacking people maybe I shouldn’t be traveling so much.

Eric: You can see he’s stroking a ring on his finger as he’s talking to you.

Eric (as Charon): Listen, honey, it’s a very nasty business and Bahamut rest Michael and his wife. These things happen sometimes, it’s probably just a freak accident. Now, the Mayor thinks it’s wolves, I don’t think it’s wolves.

Sarah (as Kallista): Oh really? What do you think it is?

Eric (as Charon): You know that shady man Kadashi?

Sarah (as Kallista): Oh, no.

Eric (as Charon): He used to have this half-elf girl who hung around him. She helped him kill the previous owner of that house and they turned it into a brothel.

Sarah (as Kallista): Really? Interesting.

Eric (as Charon): It was quite morbid. She was violent and from what I remember, she could turn into beasts sometimes.

Sarah (as Kallista): Oh, oh she could turn into beasts? That’s so interesting.

Sarah: Do I believe him?

Eric: Make me an Insight check.

Sarah: 17 plus 2 for 19.

Eric: He doesn’t seem to be trying to mislead you. He’s talking about Kadashi quite a bit, like he might have ulterior motives for steering people towards him, people who are trying to find out what’s happening, but he’s not lying to you about the companion or her abilities.

Eric (as Charon): I’m not saying he did it because he’s a tiefling because that would be speciesist and my dear I am a man who is many things but a speciesist isn’t one of them, especially seeing a woman who is such a lovely a woman as yourself in my shop.

Sarah (as Kallista): Oh, you flatter me, sir.

Sarah: And I like try to toss my hair, and make it seem like I’m not really paying attention.

Sarah (as Kallista): Well, I would be so interested to know how gruesome these attacks were. I’m very interested in this stuff, it’s a part of my culture.

Eric: He’s a little creeped by “tell me how gruesome these attacks were.”

Sarah (as Kallista): How did they die? I hear that wolf attack them but I don’t think wolves leave bodies behind. Not in my country…

Eric (as Charon): The Mayor hasn’t told me much, but…

Sarah (as Kallista): You know the Mayor?

Eric (as Charon): I’m a wealthy and influential man in town, of course I know the Mayor. I might be the next Mayor if I play my cards right.

Sarah (as Kallista): What was he telling you?

Eric (as Charon): Well, I went to ask him about adopting the poor boy, Johnathan, and he was like “oh, it’s too soon,” and I was like “that boy needs a proper father, and who better to be his father than one of the greatest traders in town? I’d say one of the greatest traders this side of the Union itself!

Sarah (as Kallista): You must be very powerful trader if you have title of Best Trader in Town.

Erc (as Charon): Some would say I’m just short of being a praetor back home. But I’m not one to brag.

Sarah (as Kallista): Of course not, I would never suspect you of such.

Eric (as Charon): Would you be interested in buying or selling anything Ms Natasha?

Sarah (as Kallista): Well, you see…

Amanda: So many jewels!

Sarah (as Kallista): I have nothing… I have paltry things to sell with me.

Eric (as Charon): I can always give you a price.

Sarah (as Kallista): They are, uh… they are leftovers I guess you could say.

Sarah: And I put the jewels on the counter. I pull out, first I pull out one turquoise and one lapiz lazuli and just see… I would like to watch his reaction.

Eric: He looks at them…

Eric (as Charon): May I inspect them?

Sarah (as Kallista): Of course, sir.

Eric: He takes them in his hand, holds one up to the light.

Eric (as Charon): Trinkets, eh? You sound like a very interesting woman.

Eric: He puts them down on the counter.

Sarah (as Kallista): How much is it worth?

Eric (as Charon): Well, I could give you about 40 gold for the two of them.

Sarah (as Kallista): Interesting… well, you see they do have sentimental value. They are quite old. You know, they come from great-grandmother jewelry box.

Eric: Make me a Deception check if you’re intending to tell the story about how you took these last things of your great-grandmother you have.

Sarha: 16 plus 7.

Eric (as Charon): Oh, well, I understand your plight, Ms Natasha, but I do run a business and I can’t just buy things at wholesale prices. Otherwise I wouldn’t make any money and I don’t want to overcharge people for fine jewelry.

Sarah (as Kallista): Well I understand.

Sarah: And I put them back in my bag.

Eric (as Charon): Ok, well if you want me to appraise anything I would be happy to do it and give you a reasonable price.

Sarah (as Kallista): Of course, I would expect a fine trader like yourself to do nothing less.

Eric (as Charon): I think I’m gonna close up shop for the evening, I have to get my beauty rest.

Sarah (as Kallista): Man like you does not need it.

Sarah: Then I leave.

Eric (to Kiara): You find yourself out near the woods, you’re coming upon a shack, a garden outside, moss growing over the roof. It’s very homey. There’s even some areas between the planks where the shack isn’t that’s letting natural air in and a tall man, older, completely bald except for a white moustache. Definitely dressed, but in dull, earthy tones comes out. He looks at you, going…

Eric (as the old man): Oh, hello. It’s rare to get visitors at this time of night.

Kiara (as Gwennis): It’s a little bit of business, not gonna lie. I’m Gwennis and this is my sister Mol.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Hi.

Eric (as the old man): Nice to meet you two, I’m Arthur.

Kiara (as Gwennis): Hi. I heard you know the most about the area around here and the wildlife.

Eric (as Arthur): Yes, I thought I did but last night just threw me for a loop, I’m gonna say.

Kiara (as Gwennis): What about it threw you for a loop?

Eric (as Arthur): People are saying that the wolves are attacking but they’re normally peaceful. We don’t really have any real monsters to talk of. That’s why I try to keep all the bad stuff away. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to vent my frustrations onto strangers.

Amanda (as Molpadia): It’s understandable. Sometimes…

Amanda: Mol’s gonna glance at Gwennis and just kind of try to give a gesture of let me

Amanda (as Molpadia): It’s hard to protect people when you can’t fully do your job. When they don’t always listen.

Eric (as Arthur): It feels like everyone is always telling me to look outside of the town. To look to nature because of course it has to be nature that’s attacking when it could be inside the town. We have several people of ill intake in there.

Amanda (as Molpadia): What do you mean?

Eric (as Arthur): There’s Charon. I don’t know if you have any experience with the Trader’s Union…

Amanda: Mol’s gonna try to keep her face completely blank.

Eric: Make me… uh, what would you call a composure check? Deception?

Amanda: Not bad. 16… 17.

Eric: Oh, that’s very good. You keep your face blank as he’s talking.

Eric (as Arthur): In my experience, even if they’re coming just to make money it’s never just about money.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Charon is working with the Trader’s Union?

Eric (as Arthur): I mean, he flies his flag, if you go to his store.

Amanda (as Molpadia): I haven’t spoken to the man so I wouldn’t know.

Eric (as Arthur): Consider yourself lucky.

Amanda: Do I know that Kallista went and talked to him? Cause she just went and talked to Charon, right?

Sarah: I haven’t seen you yet, since I talked to him.

Eric: Yeah, she didn’t share that information. She was told he was part of the Union but she didn’t share that information.

Amanda: Yeah, but you didn’t know he was part of the Trader’s Union prior to that?

Sarah: No, no she just said he was the shopkeeper. I didn’t think to ask.

Amanda: Ok so, I know that Kallista — do I know that Kallista that that’s who she was going to talk to?

Sarah: No, I think…

Eric: She didn’t say anything to you.

Sarah: Yeah, you guys left and then I left.

Amanda: Gwennis and I left, she hadn’t left yet.

Sarah: You guys don’t know where I am.

Amanda: Ok, cause that would change my composure that’s why I ask.

Eric (as Arthur): I heard he has a ring that can call some spectral soldiers out to guard himself. I don’t know how easily that would translate into making wolves or something to attack his business rival, you know, the guy who got murdered. And that Kadashi fellow? I just don’t trust him. He had that elf companion — the half-elf companion. She was always violent. She dragged a body through the streets a couple years back.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Wait, who did this?

Eric (as Arthur): Oh, he had a half-elf companion named Tali. The previous owner of that building admittedly bombed part of town, but she went into his house, killed him, and then dragged his body to the guard station.

Amanda (as Molpadia): She killed Kadashi and dragged his body?

Eric (as Arthur): No, she killed the previous owner. His name was Neb Sungar. But that’s not important, he’s dead.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Yeah, of course…

Eric (as Arthur): And after she came back from their little adventure up north, she seemed more violent and I think she found some kind of artifact that let her turn into monsters. I haven’t seen her in several years. Do I know what happened to her? No. He might have offed her.

Amanda (as Molpadia): But he’s still here?

Eric (as Arthur): He’s still here running that brothel.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Oh, the– the– the–

Eric (as Arthur): The Lonely Cat? Yeah. If I could get the Mayor to shut it down I would.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Gwennis?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Yes?

Amanda (as Molpadia): Do you know anything about maybe a ring or something that turns people into monsters? It’s not really my expertise.

Kiara: I’m gonna make me a good good check.

Sarah: I 100% when you mentioned ring when I was talking to him, I was like “I need to ask about the ring” and then I got distracted because he was such a horrible person.

Kiara: I rolled a 17 plus 5. 22!

Eric: Well you remember the dagger that your originally came out this way to destroy. There are several evil magical items living in this world and you actually remember hearing something about the Bracelet of the Hunter. It’s basically a dull rope with several small gems embedded in it. It’s said that if you use a charge you can basically use the Moon Circle Druid’s Wild Shape feature and you can turn into monsters as well as beasts. So basically what that means is you can turn into monsters of a certain strength if you use that.

Kiara: Alright, Gwennis is definitely interested…

Amanda: So is that the thing that Charon has or the thing that Tali has?

Sarah: No… yes, right? This isn’t about the ring? Ok.

Amanda: But Charon has a ring, also, that can summon…

Eric: Yes.

Sarah: That’s it, he can summon.

Eric: Things like spectral monsters. Yes.

Sarah: I’m so mad I did not ask about that…

Kiara (as Gwennis): That is interesting. I mean… hm. Vague recollection and all that jazz, there’s a bracelet that allows for some nifty shifting.

Amanda: Out of curiosity, has no one noticed that I have a tiny squirrel riding on my shoulder? The entire time I’ve been giggling about it.

Sarah: You left her with me!

Amanda: I didn’t leave her with you, I asked about it and then I decided not to because there was no use to it. I thought about it.

Eric: He actually does notice Tsette when you bring that up.

Eric (as Arthur): Oh! Hello, little girl.

Amanda: I’m just curious because nobody said anything about it.

Eric (as Arthur): Oh yes, I saw her, but I figured you must be a wizard of some kind.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Definitely not.

Kiara (as Gwennis): Definitely not.

Kiara: Gwennis shakes her head so goddamn hard.

Eric (as Arthur): Really? Not even some kind of eldritch knight or something?

Amanda (as Molpadia): No.

Eric (as Arthur): Warlock? Did you make a pact accidentally?

Amanda (as Molpadia): I have no idea what that other thing you said was so… moving on.

Eric (as Arthur): Well that’s good. You don’t want to get into those accidental pacts.

Amanda: I just thought it was really funny in my brain I was like, there’s a shiny little squirrel on my shoulder, nobody’s saying anything about. Not even, you know, Michael didn’t even say anything about it.

Sarah: I don’t think he knew, so…

Amanda: Got something right there! No, we made a point of telling him I had it.

Eric (as Arthur): It was good to meet you, Mol and Gwennis. Did the Mayor hire you to help out?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Yes. At least to investigate.

Eric (as Arthur): I hope you can get to the bottom of this before any innocent animals get hurt.

Amanda (as Molpadia): What about the 3 people? 4 people? The multiple people that were injured and killed?

Eric (as Arthur): Unfortunately they’ve already been killed and when they’re ready I’ll happily offer my services to preside over their burials but until then.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Yeah, you might want to… the coroner’s a little creepy.

Eric (as Arthur): Ah, Blep?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Yes.

Eric (as Arthur): He… I guess it’s not cannibalism since he’s a lizardfolk but… yeah, I’ll see if we can get them buried before anything gets cut off them. Anything that wasn’t cut off before.

Amanda (as Molpadia): You do that. Anyway… so Gwennis, I think we should head back, get some rest so we can check this place out tomorrow. Or do you want to go tonight?

Kiara (as Gwennis): I mean with what we found out this means we’re not just… There seems to be a lot of tangled webs in this, I think I’d rather wait for daylight.

Amanda (as Molpadia): I think we need to go talk to Kallista and I think we need to include Muhmed. This is up his alley.

Kiara (as Gwennis): Definitely, we can then make a decision.

Amanda (as Molpadia): He always had an affinity for little animals. He was like that as a kid, so I assume…

Eric (as Arthur): Well, it was nice to see you again. Maybe come back for dinner sometime.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Sure, this was…

Eric (as Arthur): If this all gets sorted of course. My house is everyone’s house as long as they respect nature. No other way to live.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Of course, and we certainly respect you. Of course.

Eric: He goes back like he’s gonna lock the house but then he’s like, why, and then he just heads off towards the town. Do y’all want to meet back up somewhere?

Sarah: Yeah.

Kiara: Uh, yes. I think the inn is our meeting point.

Amanda: Yeah. I’m going back to the inn.

Eric: Ok.

Hey guys, it’s Eric, the DM for the Dice Fiends and the other stuff guy. I just wanted to take a second to remind you that on March the 6th we are going to be releasing the second part of the Festival of Excess. If you haven’t checked out the first episode, you definitely should. It’s a wonderful halfling adventure in which four bumbling heroes try to save the Festival of Excess, the most-celebrated holiday in all of Hinnsylvania! And it is DM’d by our own Sarah Wheatley who is the voice and [inaudible] of Kallista. We’ll be releasing episode 6 of Hezra’s Hellraisers — or, as I like to call it and have called it all throughout editing, Semloh’s Excellent Adventure — on the 13th of March.

Before we get back to the show, though, I’d like to give a quick shout-out to Dice Envy! Dice Envy makes really cool looking dice at an affordable price, so you can show off to all your friends without breaking the bank and that’s pretty good! Anyway, things are gonna be heating up so I’ll talk to y’all again on the 13th! Byeee…

Eric: Ok, you all meet back at the inn, Muhmed’s still asleep. Unless he isn’t.

Amanda: I’m going to go upstairs and knock on Muhmed’s door.

Sarah: I sit down at the bar.

Kiara: Muhmed! Mumu!

Eric (as Brunhilda): Rough day?

Sarah (as Kallista): Yeah, yeah that… you didn’t give me enough warning about that Charon guy, I must say.

Amanda: I’m still knockin at the door.

Kiara: Gwennis also sits down at the bar.

Sarah (as Kallista): Not a fan.

Eric (as Brunhilda): Sorry, girl.

Amanda: Should have talked to the other guy. Sorry, not there.

Sarah (as Kallista): Tell me, Brunhilda, do I just attract douches? What’s up with that?

Jeff: I’ll open the door.

Amanda: Please tell me you’re dressed.

Kiara: Arthur was clothed, but Muhmed was not.

Eric: Oh! Hellraisers get spicy!

Jeff: Yes, of course I’m dressed. In my normal robe attire.

Amanda (as Molpadia): It seems like we’ve got the same goal here, to stop whatever this is, and I don’t know… we’re gonna talk about what we found out today if you wanna come downstairs. If not, we’ll see you?

Jeff (as Muhmed): Yeah, I’ll come.

Amanda (as Molpadia): It’s good to see you. I’m glad you’re doing well.

Jeff (as Muhmed): Thank you.

Amanda: God, this is so awkward!

Jeff: Well, he’s a very quiet person, I think.

Amanda: Well, and Mol is not exactly the most social person, either.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Anyways, I’m gonna go down and meet up with my siblings.

Jeff (as Muhmed): Right behind you.

Amanda: We go downstairs and I step up to the bar and I’m gonna order a round and I’m gonna order food and then say.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Let’s go meet at a table, huh?

Sarah: Yes, sounds good. I’m sitting at the bar. And then I see you guys walk down I go join you at the table.

Amanda: No, my invite was walking up behind you, putting my arms around both of you.

Sarah: Oh, I see.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Let’s go, we need to talk. We gotta have a chat. Let’s go.

Sarah: I sit down and I go–

Sarah (as Kallista): Well, I don’t like Charon and I don’t think you would either. That conversation was fucking worthless.

Amanda (as Molpadia): I don’t like a lot of people.

Sarah (as Kallista): Trader’s Union.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Wait, what?

Sarah (as Kallista): Trader’s Union.

Kiara (as Gwennis): I had a great time!

Amanda (as Molpadia); What about him?

Sarah (as Kallista): Oh, he tried to give me 40 for two gems, two pieces worth 25 each.

Amanda (as Molpadia): I’m gonna assume you didn’t trade that, I know you.

Sarah (as Kallista): Oh fuck no, what am I an idiot?

Amanda (as Molpadia): We really need to find a bigger town.

Sarah (as Kallista): Yeah we do.

Amanda (as Molpadia): So what about Charon?

Sarah (as Kallista): He’s in the Trader’s Union and he’s a total dickbag.

Amanda (as Molpadia): What does he do for the Trader’s Union?

Sarah (as Kallista): I don’t know, I didn’t think to ask. I was too busy trying to get information on this wolf situation, he kept pointing the finger at Kadashi talking about some druid girl or some elf or something that could turn into an animal?

Amanda (as Molpadia): Tali. Yeah, we heard the same story from the supposedly naked cleric that wasn’t naked.

Amanda: I look at Gwennis.

Kiara (as Gwennis): Listen, it’s a fun story.

Sarah (as Kallista): I like that story a lot better than mine, talk.

Kiara (as Gwennis); Ok, so what happened was there’s apparently this group of kind old ladies just sitting around talking and apparently one of them was thinking that this guy…

Amanda: Mol’s just gonna hold up her hand for more alcohol.

Kiara (as Gwennis): Was thinking that this guy runs around naked, like sky clad like prayers and rituals and stuff.

Eric (as Brunhilda): Coming!

Sarah (as Kallista): Valid. Go on.

Kiara (as Gwennis): He knows the most about the woods so of course I decided to go check it out and I decided to drag Mol with me.

Sarah (as Kallista): Of course.

Kiara (as Gwennis): She didn’t say no when I said there was going to be a naked guy at the end of it so take that as you will.

Amanda (as Molpadia): I wasn’t listening to that part…

Sarah (as Kallista): Ok I guess that is an explanation…

Amanda (as Molpadia): Also it’s not the first time I’ve seen a guy naked. I was in the military, guys.

Sarah (as Kallista): Ok, so, what do we got then? What do we think is going on with all these wolves? I’ve got some dire wolf and winter wolf and possibly a half-elf turning into monsters.

Amanda (as Molpadia); Ok, what do we know about dire wolves?

Sarah (as Kallista): I know that they are basically kind of giant ass alpha wolves wherever they go.

Amanda (as Molpadia); So can they actually freeze people, because one of the victims was frozen.

Sarah (as Kallista): No, dire wolves can’t freeze people, which is interesting cause the only wolf that can freeze somebody is a winter wolf and we’re way too far south for that.

Amanda (as Molpadia): So we can pretty much cross dire wolf off the chart, right?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Partially at least.

Sarah (as Kallista): A dire wolf may have killed some of these people.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Muhmed, what’s your deal here, why are you here? Why would they be sending you after, I mean…

Jeff (as Muhmed): I wasn’t sent here.

Amanda (as Molpadia); Well then why are you here?

Jeff (as Muhmed): I was not sent.

Amanda (as Muhmed): I mean, I haven’t seen you since we were kids and all of the sudden you pop up out of nowhere?

Jeff (as Muhmed): Right, so I’ve heard of some evildoing around in this area, in the Old Oak area, and heard of some possible rituals going on in the area and this has led me to the sightings of wolves.

Amanda (as Molpadia); Ok, no offense, but I don’t remember, I mean, we were little… but if you were a priest like you say, why would they basically send a choir boy to do a soldier’s job?

Jeff (as Muhmed): I wasn’t sent, I had left on my own.

Amanda (as Molpadia); Ok, why would a choir boy try to do a soldier’s job? You’re supposed to be praying over the dead on the battlefield or I don’t know, serving in a temple or something.

Jeff (as Muhmed): Well, if this has something to do with animals I thought I could be of some help.

Sarah (as Kallista): Does it matter why he’s here?

Amanda (as Molpadia): I want to know we don’t have somebody who’s going to die on my watch. I’ve had enough people die that way.

Sarah (as Kallista): Alright, Mumu, are you going to die on her watch?

Amanda: Shit! Kallista just took it from here to here!

Kiara: That escalated quickly!

Jeff (as Muhmed): If that’s Sesmik’s plan for me then so be it, but that’s not my plan.

Sarah (as Kallista): Well, that’s a good enough answer for me.

Kiara: Kallista’s just like–

Eric: Kallista’s just takes a knife and kills him.

Amanda: Gwennis is watching.

Sarah: And I just slit his throat.  Greetings from your God.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Alright, so from what I’m understanding, we’ve got 3 suspects. I really don’t think that the wizard guy is possible, he’s kind of a bit of a blowhard. I’m pretty sure he wanted in anyone’s pants at that point. He just wants somebody to sing his praises. We’ve got Charon who evidently none of us trust. We’ve got the half-elf that we’ve never met that nobody’s seen. And we’ve got dire wolves, a random dire wolf that just wandered in from the south?

Sarah: Are dire wolves just kind of native to wherever wolves are, DM?

Eric: Yes, they will show up occasionally?

Sarah: Ok, cause the winter wolf is the one that’s too far north.

Eric: Too far south, yes.

Amanda: Yeah, we’re too far south.

Sarah: I meant it was too far north but yes.

Jeff: Didn’t you say something about a peryton?

Sarah: Oh… see perytons, from what I know about perytons, cause I think I rolled really high on that which is why I know.

Eric: You did?

Sarah: Yeah, you told me about it. You told me it’s a flying monster with wings and a face.

Eric: Yeah, Kadashi told you.

Sarah: And it eats people’s hearts.

Amanda: The peryton, is that something that a shape-changer could change into?

Eric: If you want to roll — possibly, yes.

Kiara: You did say monster at the end of that list of extra voodoo hoodoo.

Eric: If everyone who didn’t roll for peryton already wants to roll for Nature, you can try to learn more.

Jeff: I just rolled a 20.

Kiara: He got it. He gots it.

Sarah: Nice.

Jeff: And then plus my nature.

Eric: Natural 20, nice!

Sarah: Nice.

Eric: Burn on that.

Amanda: Look at the druid right now!

Sarah: Nice.

Eric: I’m burning this like — I know everything! So, perytons. It’s a monstrous carnivore that feeds on any creature, but it prefers elves, half-elves, and humans. When it kills a humanoid, the peryton will rip out it’s preys heart and take it back to the nest to be devoured. You know they have bizzare shadows that looks like a shadow of a humanoid, but they themselves look like a wolf’s head with the antlers of a stag and the body of a large eagle. Many think that the perytons were first humans transformed by a hideous curse or a magical experiment, and you know their reproductive cycle depends on the heart of a freshly killed humanoid.

Jeff: And we have 4 hearts missing.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Is it just me or does that sound exactly like what we’re looking for?

Sarah (as Kallista): Yeah, but how would one die of hypothermia if it was a peryton?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Someone thinks the monsters are cute and want some more?

Amanda (as Molpadia): Could the monster have a companion? Can a peryton breed with something other than another peryton?

Sarah (as Kallista): Can the half-elf turn into a peryton? Does she know freezing spells?

Kiara: Gwennis goes straight to her wine cup.

Amanda: Mol just reaches over and lowers the wine cup.

Amanda (as Molpadia): You need to be somewhat sober right now to hear this, you can drink later.

Kiara (as Gwennis): Ok…

Sarah: Do I need to make any sort of intelligence or wisdom based roll to come to this conclusion?

Eric: What?

Sarah: To come to the idea that it’s a half-elf woman who is using her bracelet to turn into a peryton and attack people.

Eric: If that’s what you think, that’s what you think.

Sarah: Ok. That’s what I think.

Eric: Gwennis, you haven’t been particularly active. Give me a Perception.

Kiara: Ok. 8?

Eric: Ok, you don’t notice anything of any particular importance.

Amanda: Can perytons be trained as pets or companions?

Eric: It… might be.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Ok, hear me out, and I don’t know shit about this kind of stuff and we all know that. This half-elf has a bracelet that can allow her to transform and she was angry enough to kill some dude for his property — well, we don’t know what her motive was, but she killed a guy. His property is now being transformed into some kind of factory, right?

Eric: No, his property was the brothel.

Amanda: Oh, his property was the brothel! Oh, I misunderstood that. Ok. So if she kills… ok, that changes my thought process then.

Amanda (as Molpadia): So the half-elf kills the previous owner of the Lonely Cat, and take the property for Kadashi, right? And then the half-elf disappears and nobody does anything? And then we’ve got a peryton which fits the bill of the attacks except for the hypothermia.

Kiara (as Gwennis): We have someone who can turn into a beast, and a winter wolf would fit.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Well, if you can turn into a beast you can do other stuff with elements I would think, I don’t know.

Kiara (as Gwennis): Yeah, but as a winter wolf you might be able to take over a pack.

Amanda (as Molpadia): I mean I know I can’t turn into a beast, can either of you? You both use magic.

Kiara (as Gwennis): I can’t turn into — not my cup of tea. I can make shit. I might be able to make shit that can turn you into things. That might also go south real fast.

Sarah (as Kallista): Not my style.

Amanda: Do I notice that Muhmed is being very, very quiet right now?

Jeff: Does anyone notice Muhmed?

Amanda: Mol does! She actually the one who freaking noticed you in the first place, asshole!

Kiara: Mol noticed you. Kallista noticed you but deliberately ignored you.

Jeff: You have to roll a 20 to notice Muhmed at all.

Amanda: That is not true.

Eric: Make me a Perception check, Mol.

Sarah: Oh no!

Amanda: Using my Rome dice. 16.

Eric: You notice Muhmed is… what’s Muhmed doing while they’re talking about “hey, can you turn into animals?”

Jeff: Pondering. I think I’m taking it all in. It sounds like druid work is at play since there’s shapeshifting into beast form or…

Amanda: Nothing. You’re doing great. Own the character, man.

Sarah: You got it.

Jeff (as Muhmed): It just sounds like another druid, basically.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Another druid? You said you were a priest.

Jeff (as Muhmed): I was an ex-priest. Or, I am an ex-priest.

Amanda: Mol’s going to look at her sibling, trying to figure out.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Alright, so what do we know? We have one — whatever you want to call the half-elf — can shape change into potentially a creature that can cause hypothermia, we have a creature that can cause all the rest of the damage and really dire wolves just don’t seem to fit the bill in this area.  This is where Semloh would really come in handy, isn’t she like, the finder and all that shit?

Sarah (as Kallista): I say we catch it.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Catch it? And do what with it? You want to tame it as a pet?

Sarah (as Kallista): No, find out what’s going on! If it’s a person then we figure out why we’re doing it and if it’s a monster then we, you know, get rid of it.

Amanda: Have a Scooby-Doo moment.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Alright, so how do we catch it?

Kiara (as Gwennis): Well, we don’t have a solid motive because we don’t have a solid grasp on who this is or what it would want, except for we know where it happened and who it happened to, so…

Sarah (as Kallista): I say sleepover!

Amanda (as Molpadia): And everyone who it happened to are people who are involved with that location.

Kiara (as Gwennis): Yep! So… sleepover at the loom?

Sarah (as Kallista): Yeah, haunted sleepover. That should be enough to make it mad.

Kiara: Gwennis is down with that!

Sarah (as Kallista): You know I’m good at making people mad.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Yeah. I definitely know that.

Sarah (as Kallista): You haven’t even seen me try yet.

Amanda (as Molpadia): You didn’t have to try…

Kiara: Gwennis is just like, “oh god, oh god…”

Eric: Y’all want to go to the loom?

Amanda (as Molpadia): This is gonna suck.

Kiara: Gwennis is suddenly sidling up to Mumu being like, “hey.”

Amanda: Should’ve burned a short rest. It’s fine, it’s 1 health point, I’ll survive.

Kiara (as Gwennis): This has gotta be more awkward for you than it is for me and I’m involved in this situation.

Amanda (as Molpadia): You’re not innocent either. Let’s go.

Kiara (as Gwennis): Yes, ma’am.

Amanda (as Molpadia): Are we going or are we not?

Amanda: Mol looks at Kallista.

Sarah: I do that thing that cats do where they try to make it look coincidental that they’re following you to the same location.

Amanda: Roll for Deception! Roll Performance, bitch!

Kiara: Give me the show of a lifetime!

Sarah: Gosh.

Amanda: She’s a bard, she has high Performance.

Sarah: Well it’s a 16 plus 4, so.

Kiara: Not bad in the scheme of things.

Jeff: Is 16 you modifier?

Sarah: 4 is my modifier, but nice.

Amanda: I’m gonna roll for Perception and see if Mol even notices you doing this. Natural 19! She doesn’t even notice, she just goes. Mol just walks out.

Eric: Wait, did you just roll for Mol not to give a fuck?

Amanda: I rolled not to notice Kallista’s attitude. She just walks out. We tied in Perception and Performance. You rolled a 24, right?

Sarah: No, it was a 16 plus 4.

Amanda: So you rolled a 21?

Kiara: 20.

Sarah: 20.

Amanda: Oh, I rolled a 24.

Sarah: Well then… that’s all you!

Amanda: I don’t notice shit. Oh… I notice but I choose not to notice. No I rolled a 22, sorry. I got math wrong. Math is hard. God there’s so much sibling drama going on here!

Sarah: I know, he’s coming into such an awkward spot in our family fun.

Kiara: Oh yeah.

Amanda: We need to have a serious drunken night of just getting it all out of us. And poor Muhmed is just like “I didn’t know any I only knew her when she was like 7 I don’t know what the hell is going on.”

Jeff: Muhmed does not drink.

Sarah: I’d be shocked if he did!

Amanda: He drinks tea.

Kiara: Gwennis never got drunk until she became an adventurer.

Sarah: Warm water.

Kiara: And then she just went hard.

Amanda: So we’re walking out to the factory.

Kiara: Yes.

Sarah: Just to check, does Muhmed want to have a sleepover? Would muhmed want to join us for a sleepover at the site where people are getting picked off?

Jeff: Yeah. I’ll follow. With my head bowed down.

Sarah: Cause Kallista’s not checking any of this with you. But Sarah does.

Kiara: Gwennis is gonna do exactly what [inaudible]

Jeff: But Sarah does.

Amanda: And mol has a tendency of walking away, so.

Eric: You spend the night uneventfully–

Amanda (as Molpadia): Damn it! Why did we sleep out here? There’s a soft bed, a rock in my back, I hate you both. Mother–!

Eric: You go back to the town in the morning and everyone’s gathered around the sheriff’s station. And you see Blep coming up with a bloody sack hung over his shoulder. Maybe one of you asks what happened and someone says:

Eric (as a townsperson): Well, last night the monster came into town and attacked the sheriff! It killed him!

Sarah (as Kallista): Came into town?

Jeff: No!

Amanda: I grab both my siblings and I grab Muhmed and I go:

Amanda (as Molpadia): Something’s off. We need to figure this out because somebody… there’s motives involved. Something’s off. That’s all I know.

Eric: It’s the dawn of the second day and the sheriff lays dead in the streets of Old Oak. What does this mean for the Hellraiser’s in their investigations? Find out next time on Hezra’s Hellraisers, a Dice Fiends 5th Edition adventure. The Dice Fiends are Sarah Wheatley, Amanda Joyce, Kiara Mueller, and Angel Powell, with Jeff as our special guest playing Muhmed. DM’ing and producing is done by Eric Szypulski, our logo is designed by @kurryschatter, and the music is done by Kevin Macleod at incompetech.com. Track listings are in the show notes. You can find more information on the show, including transcripts for each episode, on our website. While you’re on the interwebs, by the way, be sure to check us out on our Twitter @dicefiends, where we post show updates and get up to plenty of shenanigans. You can find us every other Wednesday on iTunes or wherever you get good podcasts, and if you liked what you heard and you want to support us, please leave a review and rating on iTunes. And until next time, remember: bartenders DO know everything… except when they don’t. But even then, they kind of do.


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